This is kinda a story, if u have the time please read and respond. I'm frustrated.. perhaps i'm not thinking in my sisters shoes i dont know. I'm 22yrs old by the way. This is all starts with my niece.
I love my nieces they are adorable. One is 7 the other is 10. The 10yr old is like a mini me. Not my fault either idk she kinda just picked up on everything i find interesting. But i was gone in england for 2 years and even when i was gone she use to have a pic of me in her bedroom. She loves and missed me so much. Now that i'm back i been chilling with her as much as i can except.. its never long. My sister, her mom has such a big problem with me! She always tries to split me and her apart! WTF SHE IS MY NIECE! I AM NOT HANDING HER BEERS OR DRUGS! Good fun and advice for her school and life and when she has questions i'm there to answer them! I AM THERE FOR HER! There are things she wont dare bring up to her own mom but she will with me.
My niece comes to me and talks to me about how are things. She then tells me how her mom said "dont look to Dee as a role model, she's not a very good one. She's broke, not a good job and doesnt have a home." My niece tells me this and says why is mom always so hard ab me. I say i dont know. I really dont know.
Backround info: Yes i use to be very rebellious in my teens. Lots of drugs sex and alcohol. Lots of cutting class and fights. Self abuse in more ways then you can imagine. Therapy and medicated once upon a time. I have some diagnosed disorders. This all ended when i was 18. I stopped hanging out with the bad crowd. I got myself help. I found a good guy (for the meantime). I moved to england and was sober and quite happy for some time. I ended up working as a nurses assistant in a hospital and we had ourselves our OWN apartment and car and couldnt be happier! Money was great! I was living, i was alive i was healthy!!! (healthier anyways, i still hold some habits like eating dis, bpd but its better, i wud never let it effect my family)
So why the **** am i a bad role model again? Cause i was once a bad seed, love to live life and done some great things? Turned my life around and had good money that i was helping my own parents out sending **** to the U.S.? So is this why i'm a bad role model?
Oh i know why i'm a bad role model.. its because i am not like EITHER of my sisters. Getting pregnant at a young ass age and coming up with more and more babes to make life harder. Right.. thats prob why. (pls dont be offended if this has happened w u, its just deff not a choice i wud make)
Or, here it comes. Is it because i ended up saying i cant take anymore of some fights i had with my husband at the time. Try and stay strong and independant, I had to end it and come back home after some years living in england. I had to drop my beloved job and possessions. I had to move back in with mummy and daddy and start all over again. I had to lose everything i gained. Start from scratch?
Is this why i'm a bad role model? Because within the first year of being back in New York.. i havent seeked old bad habits... i tried finding some **** jobs to get the ball rolling.. i started getting trained to be a nurses assistant again.. i passed my finals... i'm getting myself back together in ONLY the first year of being back in new york. Is this why i'm a bad role model!? Because i have goals to further myself in a medical career?
I love my niece.. and she knows of my backround and knows what i overcome. If anything with all these rules her mom gives her.. and she cant even talk to her own aunt (me).. i just hope she doesnt turn out like me.. cause it looks like it may happen. But i remind her everytime i hope she doesnt go down that path.. and if anything happens she can trust me to help her. Right.. i'm a bad role model for saying these things...
Why does my sister have such a bad problem with me.. i give her nothing but respect and never give her any trouble. I been through alot man i dont know why she has to say this **** behind me to my nieces! Even her father hates me.. saying i'm a bad person.
Have you tried asking your sister why she tries to keep you from her? or if you don't think it'd cause problems, why she said that to your niece? and why she won't say it to your face?
I personally think overcoming so much and leaving a husband and country and starting over to get out of a bad situation takes a lot of strength and courage. I wouldn't say you're a bad role model but maybe she can't get past your problems when you were younger. Only your sister can really answer your question though, the rest of us can only speculate.
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
thanks, i am just afraid to speak to my sister about this because she is the more "tough" sister of us. I'm more of the emotional one. If anybody hits heads with her she usually takes the kids away from seein anybody for weeks even past months. Its happened with my own parents. So i dont know whether to approach it. I'm too scared so i needed to vent and see what you all thought. Thanks so much for responding tho! I also think it prob has to due w my past but i changed for the better ya know? Take care hun thanks again x
I guess I'm used to that stuff because I didn't even notice the text speak,except in the title...
To the OP, is it too blunt for me to say that maybe your sister is just a bitch? She may never change, no matter HOW much you improve upon your life. It seems that your niece respects you anyway, and understands that her mother is just being too hard on you. Perhaps your sister is resentful of the fact that you've gone through such things and managed to begin overcoming them so quickly. She may not see how difficult it really was for you. You could try talking to her, but do it for yourself, not to try to change her. Good luck with everything.
Im not a mum but I wonder if your sis is jealous of the relationship you and your niece have?
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
it ended 4 years ago and for 2 of those you were gone? maybe your sister is sympathetic to the fact that these things can rear thier heads again, she only has your word that its finished for 4 years because you were so far away she couldn't see for herself.
maybe its about protecting her kids incase this comes to light again?
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
thanks for all the responces *hugs* I can say yeah perhaps she is jealous and yeah it may also be a hard fact to see that i am clean of drugs and such. I find she is being very unfair and hard headed. I wish i could talk to her but like i said.. she uses her kids to fight back so i know she'll just take away my nieces and nephews for weeks if i approached her. Which means even my own parents wouldnt be able to see her kids. Yeah she gets that harsh.
Its been a few days and i was very triggered that day. But i'm better now and i saw her and acted normal.. a smile and hi hows the baby (cause yup she's pregnant again 4th one). She seems just fine to me, just again it hurts she speaks bad of me behind my back. I'll try to ignore it, your right at least my niece understands me.. she's growing up.. she's very smart she'll have her own opinions now. I just wish i wasnt looked upon as such a loser.. i'm trying my best here. Thanks everyone i appreciate it all so much. xx
"is it too blunt for me to say that she's just a bitch?"
my thoughts exactly!!! i was, infact, going to say the whole situation is pure bullshit!!! oh, it makes me angry.
i changed my life for quite a while(for the better!!) and no one in my family gave a damn. they will always remember me as the unstable, unpredictable, black sheep of the family. my brother hasnt spoken to me in over a year and my sister in over 6 months. i basically have no siblings anymore.
this past week ive had a major setback and i can understand them being upset but they didnt give a damn when i was trying so hard to get well.
im so sorry youre being treated like this. you are on the right track. your sister should admire you after what youve overcome!! its hard as hell to fight these illnesses!!!
sorry for the rant but things like this make me so angry.
