Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - I Feel like I'm completely losing it?

TheFearThatGaveMeWings · 05-07-2010, 07:02 AM

I'm 18 years old, and I have yet to get a stable diagnosis. I was abused as a child and have yet to move forward from it. I have disassociatoin really bad, to the point where I have occasional blackout's where I forget where I am, who I am, what I'm doing. Things don't look the same to me, words look funny sometimes.

Occasionally, i'm overly aware of my surroundings but that only lasts a few seconds before it sinks back into detachment (disassociation).

I've had really strange dreams that I'm placing a noose around my neck, that I'm cutting myself with jagged glass before slitting my throat, another dream I was shot to death but the dream didn't end with that, I was on the ground bleeding from my stomach as people stood around me including the one who shot me.

I'm very hostile and untrusting, an aggressive person who thinks a lot about killing people or myself. Sometimes both.
I've thought about burning my house down several times, poisoning my mom or just outright shooting her.

I have hallucinations to the point that I'm not sure what's real and whats not.
Strange delusions that certain people can read my thoughts are common along with beliefs that if I think to much about a past memory or just a fantasy(usually bad), I'll get sucked into it and it'll become real which scares me shi*less.

I told my doctor about the hallucinations and he's thinking brain seizures but I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm losing it.

Kitkat :) · 05-07-2010, 10:25 PM

I know how you feel.

I experience most of these things as well.

I think you should tell your doctor about all of this, not just the hallucinations, because they may be connected but because he doesn't know about it he can't make the connection.

Take care.