Triggering (SI/OD) - I feel stupid for having this affect me so bad.

TomiJoseph · 02-07-2010, 03:54 AM

I don't know what's going on with me. I was actually having a good day today. I knew my family was planning on going to my sister's house for the 4th of July..but I thought we were leaving Sunday and coming back Monday and I was trying my damndest to get out of that. Now I found out that we are leaving Saturday and coming back Monday. I know exactly what's gonna happen. I'm gonna be forced to hang out with all my family members that I can't relate to and make nice and BE HAPPY. I will be forced to act happy which is somethign I can't handle right now. Also, I have a psychiatrist appointment coming up soon, my very first. My mom will wanna talk about it to everyone and my older sister WILL make fun of me for being insane.

My main point is that I feel retarded that the very prospect of a weekend at my sister's house has led me to suicidal thoughts. I won't act on them, I'm 99% certain, but it's really bad. My neighbor just got a HUGE bottle of pills today, something really hardcore, and they seem really nice right about now. Bridges and tall buildings are also appealing to me right now.

I guess I just need to be distracted or talked down or something, I dunno. I'm just really stressed. Sorry for the really long post. :/

Laura2.0 · 02-07-2010, 05:12 AM

Im sorry that you are having such a hard time.
I know how you feel about your sister and her making fun about you. My siblings are all like that and I have 4 of them.
Please dont end it. I'd miss you. I would really miss you, even though we didnt meet (yet).
Can you talk with your mom about it before the meeting? Explain her that you dont want them all to know about your psych appointment.
*1000000 hugs*

lozza · 02-07-2010, 07:24 AM

I'm not going the greatest right now either but am thinking of you lots and really hope it goes ok

DevilzKisses · 02-07-2010, 10:18 PM

First off, you shouldn't feel stupid for having things affect you, because it's not stupid at all. Different people are affected by different things, and it's completely understandable.
I know it sucks to have to hang out with family, especially when you really don't feel up to it. But I suppose in this case you just have to.
Like someone already said, can you talk to your mum beforehand, and ask her not to mention your appointment to everyone? Just try to explain to her that you'd rather not everyone knew about it. (Also, well done for getting help and having a psych appointment, good luck!). And when your sister teases you, just try to laugh it off, or ignore her as best you can. I know it's easier said than done, but give it a try?

For the moment, before you go, just try to stay calm. Do your best to fight the urges, you know you can do it. You'll get through it. Try to do other things, things you enjoy to take your mind off it.

TomiJoseph · 03-07-2010, 03:36 AM

Thank you sooo much you guys. I talked to a friend and he talked me down. I will talk to my mom tomorrow morning before we leave. I'll just have to get through it. Three days really isn't so bad. Thank you guys again for being so supportive. I have high hopes for what psychiatry can do for me.