i have been so happy over the past few months and have had no suicidal thoughts for about one and half months now! but i was standing at the bus stop and there was a police car speeding past with its flashing lights on and i just thought "i should jump out infront of it...go on do it...i should have done it...idiot!"
i mean why would i do that? i had a great day and was super duper happy so why suddenly have thoughts like that? i wasnt even sad or aggitated it was like i was bored and it was something to do, lets kill myself because there is nothing else i should be doing! or maybe its that i want to get looked after, my mum had an operation the other day so has been in hopsital and got out the other day and so has been lying around the house getting her food cooked for her and drinks brought to her and i realised yesterrday that i was jelouse of her! im jelouse of my own mum for being unwell! how pathetic is that? its not that i want attention because believe me she is getting hardly any its very boring for her its just that i want a break from constantly socialising and working, i miss the days when i could lie around the house and have time to myself seeing people 24/7 really wears me down.
anyways so my point is does anyone else have suicidal thoughts when they are happy? do you know why? can you stop them? and most importantly can you stop yourself acting on them (because i find it very difficult not to act on my thoughts im very impulsive, its why they took my driving liscence away) and ruining your happiness by being put into hospital and sectioned.
I have them, and they bring me down every time. You're not alone in this. I usually shout back at them like SHUT UP or something like that, but still... they're hard to cope with.
xxx
RYL FAMILY
Jo (Newlife) is my daughter
Kat (Katnovia) is my sister
i kind of have suicidal thoughts when im happy too.
Cos my suicidal thoughts tend to jump out at me. yes they come when its a bad day buit they also come from looking out a window or walking down the street when i feel ok.
its always a struggle but i find if you rationalise thoughts it helps.
Eg.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : *Possible Suicide trigger*
i'm thinking of jumping out my window. i really want to do it. THen i rationmalise if i jumped out my window would i get the end, the release i want. probably not i'd probably end up stuck in hospital for a few days or weeks.
It doesnt make it easy but sometimes its enough to keep me from acting
Hey,
I haven't had this experience personally, but perhaps it's a subconscious thing, that you are having a good day, enjoying yourself, and a part of you is frightened by that, a part that maybe is quite scared of being happy and well and wants to sabotage it... What do you think?
When we've been unwell for a significant period of time, though it is hardly a good place to be in. we can become accustomed to it, it can feel - in a very odd way - comfortable, maybe only at a sub-conscious level - and when we start to move forward that fear can be flared inside us.
You mentioned that you were jealous of your mum, and that isn't wrong, it's a very good insight. Do you perhaps wish to be looked after, taken care of and nurtured? That isn't wrong either. Or it could be just wanting a break from all the things that are happening in your life. Maybe you can implement things in your life and behaviour that are self-nurturing, to satisfy that need to slow down....
Tbh that's how I feel right now
I just figured out tonite though that I'm not truly haPpy inside!
I want so bad to show people I'm coping that I have been keeping up a pretty good act when inside things aren't that great
Are things really as great as you believe them to be
I get these. They dont bother me as much actually, as I know that because my mood is good there's less chance I will act on them. And part of me knows it's because I am recovering and there's this little part of my brain clinging on to being unwell.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I've started to feel better since spring. But when I'm stressed, and I'm doing something, like the washing-up, and I see things I wonder if I can do something bad to myself without thinking about it. But then I think, I'd just leave myself with internal damage, not die, and people will resent me. And as I live alone, if I did die, I wouldn't want to be found decomposed. All of this means I don't really want to hurt myself, or die; I just want to know that people will always be there for me.
