Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - where to put the pain

justme2 · 23-06-2010, 05:04 AM

I was abused as a child and thought that i had moved past all the anger and hurt. 18 years later i feel haunted. My husband is at a loss with me. I do not want to be touched or anything else. I feel myself tense as he tries to seduce me. I feel awful. Our 7 year marriage is slowly slipping away. This past year has been tough and ending my life seems more and more appealing. I just do not know where to start, where to go. Should i separate from my husband while i recover? My husband gets so frustrated and does not understand at all. He gets angry and this only triggers my fear more. I am slipping away. I feel detached from everything. Please someone help put me in the right direction.

crazykat · 23-06-2010, 05:13 AM

Just wondering if you are undergoing any counselling at the moment? At this can be a useful starting point for healing to begin. Don't end your life, I know your hurting but with with time you can heal. Ending your life lets your abusers win and you are worth so much more than that. Here if you ever need someone to talk to. Take care
Kat xxx

justme2 · 23-06-2010, 05:18 AM

Well, I am hanging in there. I had an appointment with one doctor and she wanted to put me in an intensive group 4 times a week, which is extreme for schedule. There was another group i was trying to join but they are meeting while i am at work. it just seems too difficult and stressful to get professional help.

crazykat · 23-06-2010, 05:27 AM

Can you get your doctor to refer you onto one on one counselling? You might find that easier. Also I just thought of a book that a counsellor lent me a few years ago called "The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis" it is a self help book written by a writer and an incest survivor. It includes lots of techniques of dealing with abuse. Just thought it might be something you would find helpful as I found it helpful.

roiben · 23-06-2010, 01:15 PM

Can you sit down with your husband and explain that you are struggling right now and that he needs to have some compassion and try not to get angry with you.
I think it might help if you could look into counselling, for you, but also for your husband. It is never easy to feel as though the person you care for is struggling and there is nothing one can do to help - So let your husband know what he can do. Maybe also see if you can initiate some simple, comfortable intimacy, even if just a cuddle to show that you do still care.
Do you know if anything has triggered the return of your feelings about your abuse? Is this something you could explore here, or with a Dr? I ask, as you say you thought it had been dealt with - Did you see a counsellor or therapist at the time for this?

Sorry I do not have any better advice to give.
Roiben x