addicted to being ill

E_pluribus_unum · 21-06-2010, 11:00 AM

what are your thoughts on that? one of my psychologists asked me once 'whats in it for you to stay the way you are?' made me angry at first but now I am seeing the positive in it too. Although one cannot 'help' [unconscious defences] to be different and change, we CAN actually change but something holds us back. On a shallow level it might be 'low self esteem' or fear of failure etc, but there is also a reason why we like to stay in a certain place. For example the 'victim', on an unconscious level the Victim re creates situations where s/he can be victimised again. Or feel victimised again, how does it serve her/him to stay the victim? Unconsciously the psyche does not want us to change, fear of change. So it does everything in its power to stay as we are.
I believe that true change and healing can only come when we are willing to look at the very painful feelings and thoughts of our psyche. And I do not talk about past abuses or things that were done to us. I am talking about what we do to others! THAT is the painful bit. Looking at past abuse is also necessary and part of healing but looking at what we do to others, being able to sit back and look at how we make people feel around us, how people react around us is REALLY looking at our dark side. Not a lot of people are willing to go there. Because it is this work that is really painful. Admitting to self that one can be selfish, abusive, narcissistic, self centered, full of sh*t to impress others, haughty, ignorant, arrogant and self-righteous is REALLY working on self. I have seen people online who use 'therapy' as a way of staying sick. And the victim. There is a fine line between doing the work to become healthy and doing the 'work' to stay just the way they are. It takes guts to look your own monsters and demons right into the eye.

Scarletdreamer · 21-06-2010, 04:17 PM

what you said makes sense to me... really resonates actually. i am having to face looking at my own selfishness, people who care about me and "tell things how they are" have been commenting on it lately. mostly my sister... but i do know that in being ill for so long i have tried people's patience and have also been very selfish. so i need to work on not being so selfish etc. and make caring for others more a priority, even in small ways...

:-/ i just don't know if i'm strong enough right now... *selfish*

Sigma · 24-06-2010, 09:42 AM

I agree - I've just (in the past week) had to face up to 2 people telling me that I've let them down, and I have... Even if I needed time out I could still have called them and told them, instead of saying "I'm depressed and can't even make a phone call". They would have understood.

Luckily they've accepted my apology, but it brought home to me that I do sometimes use being ill as an excuse. The difficulty is, what is being ill and what is being inconsiderate? When the illness includes lack of motivation and feeling a huge distance from everyone?

I've read that getting better (however you define it) does mean having to face up to the damage that has been caused. It's something I struggle with, thinking about the negative things that have happened because of past experiences/depression makes me feel that I've wasted so much of my life and it's impossible to put right. There is no reason why it can't be better from now on, but it's easier to say 'it can't be put right' and carry on being the victim.

Sailorgirl · 08-07-2010, 01:03 PM

This is an interesting post. I've found alot of people on mental health websites who are addicted to the drama and playing the victim. Which i can sometimes find annoying.

I think tho, that it is very scary "getting well", because being broken is the only thing you know, it's become part of who you are. Getting well means eventually standing on your own two feet, becoming independent and probably not having the people you've used as an emotional crutch (therapists,doctors etc) there anymore. It's hard to imagine being without those people.

Getting better and healing is scary but also very brave.

taz35 · 12-07-2010, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailorgirl

I think tho, that it is very scary "getting well", because being broken is the only thing you know, it's become part of who you are. Getting well means eventually standing on your own two feet, becoming independent and probably not having the people you've used as an emotional crutch (therapists,doctors etc) there anymore. It's hard to imagine being without those people.

This. Took the words right out of my mouth...

whirlpools · 12-07-2010, 09:04 PM

I really wanted to read a post like this today. Thank you for bringing it to our attention; I think it's very meaningful and important.

E_pluribus_unum · 18-07-2010, 03:31 PM

Im glad you could all relate to it in some way.

I have just read this article [below] because I am a child of narcisitic parents who could not stop 'being ill' and using their illness to hurt us. Some people might find comfort in this artle... others might take it personal and be upset by it. how unable some people are to stop being selfish. and why. i recently split up with my younger sister who unfortunetly has become a narcisist herself. being with her is impossible for me because she cannot even admit that she has problems. she admits it the narcisistic way. for example she says... 'i have given too much of myself. and you took it!' so she admits that she 'gives' to people but its not her fault. its the others fault because they take it! lol its always other people. she cannot REALLY own anything at all.
she cannot put herslef into other peoples shoes either. she is selfish and self absorbed. she cannot help it, she hasnt learned how to share and be genuine caring.
http://www.angriesout.com/grown17.htm