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Graphic / Triggering - Sexually frustrated
I have been in a serious relationship for almost 3 years. I have been physically intimate with my partner and in the past really enjoyed having sex and being close to her. Somehow, somewhere along the way I have seemed to have lost my sex drive and the desire to have sex and be intimate. About two years ago I started suffering from coital headaches (which are associated with sex - basically the closer you get to climax the more intense it gets ... making it sometimes unbearable to orgasam). As you can imagaine at that time my sex drive declined and it even got to the point where I was afraid to make love. My partner was great and she didnt push me and we took our time getting back to "normal". Except, it never did get back to normal, we are intimate with eachother but more recently I am again at the point where I have no desire to have sex.
I have went to the doctors and have been diagonsised with depression and have been on anti-depressant for about 4 months or so ... I feel like my moodyness has gotten a lot better, I feel like I am more stable and happier. And yet still , I continue to have no desire to have sex. I feel like its more of a chore then pleasure ... not that I dont enjoy it ... I do ... its just Idk. I just want to be able to be intimate and I am not able to be intimate with anyone ... it is not just physically or sexually. I feel like it is really hard for me to get turned on ... my girl friend feels like I am not attracted to her ... which is completely absurd! I mean she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen, I love who she and the body that comes with it. The other day she even tried to make me watch a pornographic movie to try and get me turned on so that she could actually see if it was her that I just wasnt attracted to ...
I didnt get turned on ... and feel like nothing turns me on except the though of self injurying. I know you probably think Im nuts , but when I self injury its better than any orgasam ... idk ... im fucked ... can anyone relate or have any advice? Sorry I am just extremely frustrated and dont know what to do ... I really want to be able to be intimate with people again and seem to have a difficult time in doing so lately....
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