Triggering (SI/OD) - im so sorry...im on the edge.

[pea soup]

i dont know what im asking for...if anything.
my world is upside down.
im so tired all the time.
that feeling of hopelessness is setting in.
i want to be strong and trying so hard.

but im slipping down that slippery slope again.
and what breaks my heart is that i was doing so well.

ive taken a mixture of pills to try and numb out everything.

i dont want to go down this road again.
we have no food.
my bros truck is broken down.
we cant get anywhere.
im so lost.

i miss my son to the point that it hurts physically.
im goignto run out of xanax because this past week ive popped them like crazy.

i just dont know how to deal with this.
ive never lost a parent before. and yes, i know he was horrible to me but thats beside that point. he was still my father.

everything around me looks unfamiliar.
the house is a disaster but i have no energy.
i want to go "home" but i have no idea whjere "home" is.

i guess thats all.
you dont have to reply.
because i wouldnt know how to reply to this myself.
ive basically just had a rotten day....and im afraid there will be more to come.
love to all
xx

[pea soup]

i dont know whats going on with me.
im so edgy and snapping at people.
i dont like being this way.
i cant sleep or maybe im afraid to sleep.
i dont know what to do with myself.
ive tried reading but its pointless. i just get angry because i forget what ive read and have to reread everything.

i feel like a little child throwing a fit.

things were going good for me mostly.

and NOW....well....WHOOSH!!!! its all gone.

im close to giving up and just staying in bed all day if only just to lie there and not sleep.

i did that once when i was 17.
i didnt get out of bed for a straight year except to go to the bathroom.
i lived on water and lemons and salt.
i can feel it pulling me back.

please no
please no
please no

[pea soup]

its confirmed...im over tyher edge.

**** it yeah?

im not gonna leave...jusrt lurk around.
im in no shape to be giving anytyp of advice

my hand is numb alomg with my arm
i hope its temporaty

i love youi asll to daeth.
xx

[pea soup]

i CASSN NOT do this anymore.

its official
ice called my med doc.
got vcoice mail, of cousre.

im trying to krerp myself from comepletelt losing it.

but i know itsd coming close.

**** myt typing. i cant fell my ghand.

soirry

[The Midnight Crazies]

hey, I hope by the time you read this you're ok...

Marte