struggling

[xxhappydaysxx]

I don't really know why I'm posting this, I feel really tearful and anxious about nothing.

I have 2 things coming up, an assessment with a pyschartrist and a 8 week group counselling thing about how to deal with mental health. I'm also on medication for depression.

I am so sick of relying on professionals. I'm 20 and this has been happening since I was 12. I woke up hyper today, like really happy and now I feel totally hopeless, and I cant be bothered to move. I feel needy, whereas earlier I felt like I didnt need anything.

I hate how quickly I change for absolutely no reason at all. I feel like I cant talk to anyone in real life because they know I'm waiting for help what else can they do.

I havent self harm for ages, I used to be really bad about 3 years ago. My eating was also terribly but now its near normal. I'm just stuck in my head with the thoughts and sadness and self loathing. I'm glad I'm not purging or cutting but part of me wishes I had an outlet. And for the past 10 years some form of self harm has been my outlet.

I dont know where to turn, or what I want from this, I'm just in an anxious state and i needed to write this out and know someones reads it.

sorry

[xxhappydaysxx]

I feel like no one gets my train of thought, my brain runs away from me and I get all these deep thoughts about nothing important, like the scale of planes in the sky to the scale of their size just pops into my head while il be smoking... and I get trapped in whirlwinds of thought..

I just want someone to hear me,,, I feel like I'm loosing it somedays.

[Katiee]

I'm the same, hun.
I can feel anxious for no reason, it's annoying.
It's good you're still getting professional help though.
Could you do something to make you feel better right now?
Prehaps listening to your favourite music, taking a bath, ect?
We are here for you, to listen and support you. Hope you feel better soon.
&& I'm always here if you need someone. x

[xxhappydaysxx]

Thank you for replying. :)

Yeah im chilling in bed now. I just feel like Im so paranoid and fearful of rejection that im gonna loose everyone. I hate how I am right now. Im hyper to sad in no time at all, several times a day. Theres no content middle ground.

I have an induction on a new course tomorrow and I have to go. I dont want to, but I know I should. I will go because its good for me, but part of me wants to give in.

My head moves too fast all the time.

[Dreamer And Believer]

Make sure you mention these feelings when you see the psych for the assessment--feeling hyper-to-sad, etc. I hope this isn't considered "diagnosing" you, because clearly I don't know your situation. I do know, however, that research has proven sometimes people who are bipolar can be misdiagnosed with depression and, if put on antidepressants, the symptoms of the bipolar may worsen. In any case, it's important that whomever you see knows all the details so that they decide how to best help you.
How soon is your assessment? Do you think you can keep safe between now and then?
Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk.
xx

[xxhappydaysxx]

Hiii thanks for replying.

Yeah Im paranoid about the bi polar thing. But Im not too extreme...though yesterday I just stayed in bed till like 4pm couldnt be bothered moving, proper ground 0.

I have this new group theraphy thing this tuesday and my assessment is a week tomorrow. I think I'll be ok thank you. Im trying to help myself and keep busy as much as possible like swimming and stuff.
xxx

[Dreamer And Believer]

Well, as I said, just make sure you're fully honest at the assessment. Good job keeping busy. As I said, I'm around if you'd like to talk. I hope the therapy and assessment go well.
xx