What do I do?

[LiRaLim]

I'm a high schooler, and I cut. I have to change in the locker room with my friends, and it's been getting warmer in my area. I can't hide the cuts/scars as well anymore, and well, they've noticed.

They act really concerned, and then I make up some stupid excuse that's actually somehow plausible, and laugh it off. They just laugh with me, and then they make jokes out of it. I wanted to tell them, but the fact that they laughed and joked really hurt-even if I started it. What do I do?????

I think that I might be slightly depressed, but I don't want to go to the counselor! The last time I went to a school counselor for help, she was nice, but her questions were invasive and I felt uncomfortable, so I lied when she asked if I thought about suicide or cut. Then she told me that I was feeling depressed because I didn't sleep enough. Plus, I want help, and to do that, I have to answer questions honestly which means telling her that I cut which then means that my parents will automatically have to be notified.

Do I get help from the counselor or should I tell my friends? I'm scared that in the end, I might just be subconsciously making this all up for attention.

Help!!!!!

Lira

[Wakeful Dreamer.]

Hey Lira.

I think you should tell some of your friends, or all of them, if you feel okay with that. Having friends as a support network can be very helpful, and can help you recover from self-harm. Even though they laughed, it sounds to me like they wouldn't have done that if you hadn't wanted them to (ie if you hadn't laughed about it, they wouldn't have joked about it). Their first reaction was concern, which shows that they care about you, and would most likely help if you let them.

Sometimes counsellors ask questions that seem invasive, but that's not their intent - they're just trying to get a better idea of what you're going through, so they can help you more effectively. And yes, you're right - to get anything from counselling, you have to be willing to work with your counsellor, and that means being honest.

Are you sure your parents have to be notified about you cutting, if you tell the counsellor? And if they do, what makes you hesitant to have them find out about it? I know having your parents know about your self-harm can be a scary thought, but sometimes it can actually help to have them know - another branch of your support network, you know?

All the best.

[Ktc178]

Hey,
I remember what it's like being in your situation. I think the answer depends on yor relationship to your friends. My friends and I were the jokers and the pranksters. We were always doing something fun but stupid and laughing. I had a hard time thinking to tell them because I was afraid it would change the way they saw me. But, a friend figured it out, and she stood by me. It is really wonderful to have the support of at least one friend, so if you can think of one friend who you think would understand, I would say definitely ask for some support.
Although friends are wonderful and important in getting better, I still think you should make an appointment with the school counselor-maybe a trusted grind could even go with you. I think it'd be helpful to have someone else there. I think it'd be very helpful especially if you feel that you're depressed. I think if you could tell the counselor what's bothering you even if you're not comfortable telling him/her all the details. I think at the very least the counselor could refer you to someone who can help you. I know it's hard to talk about that stuff, but eventually you'll develop enough trust to share those things.
Like was already said, the counselor at school may want to inform your parents depending on your age and country. This is not to hurt you bt because of legal reasons. From the sounds of it, you're in the US? If so, technically if you are over 16 and not a high suicide risk, they should be able to keep confidentiality. But it does depend on the counselor and therules of the school.
PM me if you need anything?
Good luck! I think it's a positive step to reach out for help.

[LiRaLim]

Thanks for replying so soon.

I don't want my parent's to know, because as I said before, I'm scared that I'm somehow making this up for attention and that they'll see it that way, and I'm terrified of it changing the way people see/act towards me. I know that if my parents know, everyone will know and it'll be horrible.

And, I am almost 15, so I'm doomed. Can't really get help from the counselor. Plus, I've made suicide plans and written "Just-in-case" letters, but I don't think that I'm ever going to kill myself, 'cuz the failure rate is too high and the consequences afterwards of surviving are horrible. I don't want to end up trapped in my body or something.

[Katiee]

Personally, I think your counsellor can help you more than your friends. You're friends will only be able to support you and I think getting professional help will be better for you in the long run.

We're here for you. Take care. x

[Ktc178]

I know it's scary to admit this to people because of possible reactions, but I think the reaction is never as bad as your expectations. With what you've said, I really think you need to talk to someone about this. Even if you don't think you'll do it, making suicide plans or having "just in case" letters is not healthy. Do you think you could go to your GP? S/he may be able to refer you to a counselor without telling your parents. I really think it would help you to see someone because it sounds like you're in a pretty rough place right now. I'm not sure about what will happen if you go to someone at school, but doctors offices tend to have very strict confidentiality. Also, I know you're afraid of what people will think if the find out. Again, I think you're pocturig the worst case scenario. Most people, especially friends, end up being very understanding and concerned even if they've made different cmments in the past. When it hits someone close to them, people are surprisingly understanding.

[tamobhuuta]

i really would encourage you to ask for help. telling friends might help give you someone to talk to if they're understanding, but i think seeing your GP like Ktc said, would be a good idea. they will only tell your parents if they think you're a danger to yourself, which you still may not like but it's worth it if it means you get help, i've found.

why are you worried part of you is doing this for attention? is that something you're worried about because you think other people will think it, or is there some evidence behind it? it's ok to want help and support, and to want people to know you're not ok. but it's better to ask for that help before things go too far. but i don't think you're attention seeking :)

[SheHasHope]

I come from a family who doesn't really believe in mental illnesses. My mom thinks somebody can "pray it away" or "think it away". And she says this mostly about depression and anxiety -- which is what I suffer from.

When I was fourteen (I hadn't begin to cut yet until a year later), I was beginning to feel depressed, and it felt like I couldn't be happy anymore. Like you, I began to write forms of suicide letters and I would push my friends away. I didn't tell any of my friends. I was just alone in it. So I went to the counselor. I was terrified of confidentiality, of my parents thinking I was doing it for attention, etc.

Unfortunately, the counselor did tell my parents about my depression, because I didn't come back when she asked me to. And my parents insisted I was going to the counselor because I wanted attention. I was angry, confused, and felt more alone than ever.

But that's not the point of my post. Because a month later, when we went to the doctor to get a physical, my mom told the doctor that I had been feeling depressed, and the doctor gave my mom a card for a therapist. I think when parents accuse you of being hurt for attention, it's just a way for them to cope, because they don't want to see their child as hurt or sad.

I eventually told most of my friends, and I'm incredibly glad I did because I wouldn't be here without them. A lot of people get depressed, and it's good to try and fix it when it starts rather than waiting until you're actually carrying out suicides rather than just thinking about them. Although I didn't start self injury until about a year after that (and a year ago), it follows the same principles:

Don't wait until it's (depression or self injury) "bad enough" to convince your parents you have a problem. It's not your fault and everybody on this site will agree when I say it's better to be able to live without it.


In short:
-Tell your friends...they'll help you get through it.
-It's not for attention...they're your feelings. Don't doubt yourself. If your not happy then you're not happy and everybody deserves to be happy.
-It's the counselor's job to do what's best for you. If she/he tells your parents, then it's only going to make things better faster. You can ask her not to, but she can only hold off for so long, especially since you do self injure. :/


When me and my mom got out of the doctor's office I told her I was fine and didn't need help, and two years later, that's my only regret in life.



(Sorry for the long post.)
-Hope

[xbeckyx]

Could you go to your GP and get referred to a counsellor? That way your parents might not be told you SI.

[LiRaLim]

I'm trying to tell my friends, but I don't know exactly how to bring it up.

Can you see it?

"Hey, what do you have for lunch?"

"Oh, just a sandwich. By the way, I cut and I think about killing myself. A lot."

Yeah, not really smart. I'm thinking of writing them a note, but then, finals are almost here(next week) and I don't want to stress them out.

Should I email them during summer break or what?

For the GP: Well, I'd actually have to SEE her first, and my parents aren't too big on going to a GP for little things, so I'd actually have to be sick or tell them to go to the GP.

And even if I did go, I'm kinda worried that she'll tell anyways, since the bill for the therapist is going to be mailed to my parents.

Thanks for the quick replies guys/gals.

Lila