I'm ready. It's taken two years, but I actually think I'm ready to take a shot at recovery.
Things have been so much better over the past few months, my life has really picked up. I'm almost completely out of my eating disorders without evening trying...with the improvements in my life and confidence and self esteem they've just sort of faded away - I'm not even calorie counting anymore. Yeah I still have some **** left with my ED's but I really think I can work through them.
Then there's self harm. I havn't done it deeply in almost 3 months, which is pretty good, I couldn't make myself do it, I don't want to anymore. I still do "normal" cuts though, just not very often - 4 times in the past month, and that's amazing for me. Thing is, it's not even life related anymore, it's pure addiction most of the time, me just searching for a reason to pick up the blade. I know I can beat it now, now that the depression isn't so bad, now that I know my friends will cheer me up and my boyfriend will get me through anything if I let him.
I'm ready to do this, I've made myself a recovery bracelet to help me achive my goal, I'm determined.
I'm finally ready to let go. wish me luck =]
*smile*
Well done on your progress.
Wanting to help yourself is the biggest and most important part of any recovery. Good luck and keep going :) things can only get better. Keep strong. Take care
Sophie.x
Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!
Bext of luck hun... keep focused on the reasons why *you* want to stop. It sounds as though you have a lot of people around who are willign to help you through it.
Well done with coming through your eating issues too... sounds as though things are heading in the right direction for you and you should be very proud.
Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate it =]
I'm keeping to it so far, almost week so it's not much but i guess its a little bit of progress. I've been getting the odd cravings for it but it's probably due to sort of giving up such a big part of my life so I'm still determined.
Thank you so much everyone, xxx =]
Its two weeks now. I actually only just realised - mainly becasue I've had a very triggered two days. However mainly it has been mot in self harming, but in the whole eating disorder department. To the point where Im seriosuly considering attempting a return to anorexia. Its gotten qwuite bad...
But hey, atleast I'm still continueing with my self harm recovery, though I guess a return of my ED would jeperdise it...I don't know, I'm rather ****ed up with the whole thing I guess.
Today was a bit horrible as well. Was randomly in a shop (for tip sharinbg reasons I wont say which one) and discovered that they have packs of proper "old school" shaving razors - and ****ing hell I was so tempted to buy them, I'd wanted to find them so badly back in my SI days and how ironic. I find them when Im trying to recover.
I'm not particulary happy, If it wasn't for my boyfriend I would have already thrown in the towel.
I know I'll hurt him soo much if I give it all up.
2 weeks....woo.
I've just had a rather emotional couple of hours talking with my Dan, and he's helped me see that what I'm considering is not worth giving up all I've gained. All I have.
He's helped me see what I was fighting for in the first place, he's helped me remember. (I ****ing love him =])
I'm going to keep fighting the good fight. I've got happiness without the demons of ED's and SI returning, and I'm not going to let it go.
Not for all the rubber ducks in sweden.
