Triggering (SI/ED) - on the edge

[grizzlybear]

things are reallly hard for me right now and i feel really depressed self harms been happening alot but managed not to do it last night.

saw my worker yesterday which helped, and should be getting therapy soon, but am worried that the self harm is going to get worse when i start therapy ,and i am really worried about this weekend as am still really suicidal.

not sure how to get through cause feel so low and want to self harm so bad right now. cause am in so much pain and just want the pain to stop, cause i can't deal with it anymore.

i have a really close friend who i used to go out with and we used to get on really well and he was a big support for me but, things have changed and i think i have still been clinging on to this relationship cause i don't want to loose him, am scared i wont cope and just dont no how to carry on without him i feel like i wil fall apart if hes not there but he keeps really upsetting me., and is really horrible to me then leaves and ifeel so upset.

i wish i knew how to make it all stop i used to have anorexia then this last year its turned into me binge eating all the time but now feel so fat just want to loose weight.

[Gone.]

It sounds as if your thoughts are rather conflicted and confused. I'm glad that your support worker helped yesterday but understand the worries regarding therapy. I suppose that, if you know your self-harm will worsen as you attend therapy (simply because of the raw emotions being thrown around), you are in a better place to equip yourself against this. It sounds as if you have a lot of negative feelings towards yourself and I wonder why this is. Do you think that you could ring your support worker if you felt really suicidal?

What is it about the situation with your friend that makes you think things have changed?

[grizzlybear]

things have changed with my friend cause we used to get on really well most of the time, go out have a good time and he used to make me happy. he was there for me when things were hard, supported me, made me feel better and valued me as a person.

now we argue all the time, i feel like he is constantly putting me down and critisizing me. He wants things all on his terms and does not want to hear about my problems anymore hes said that, and its like hes constantly blaming everyone else and everything else for his problems. i no things are hard for him he has depression to and has got exams so is stressed but this has been going on for a good to years now not just at exam time, and he puts other people down to, its not just me, i tried talking to him about it but he just says he will be horrible to people if he chooses to do so and thinks its funny but it really hurts and everyone else has had enough of it just feels like he does not care any more.

having a bad night self harmed badly but can deal with it myself till tomorrow then i will get it checked out wont say how cause not been on site for a while and cant remember if i am aloud too say how.

just feel so low wish i could stop the pain inside it hurts so much i am strting to feel suicidal again. i can tell my worker when i am feeling suicidal, things have not been this bad for me since i first got ill, and my workers doing everything she can to help being really supportive, but she has not known me that long so she still getting to know me.

i dont no why things are so bad right now, i just no that i am frustrated cause i should be able to be ok like everyone else, and i am not ,and i dont understand why i cant make all this stop and be ok its so hard.

i think that although the therapy will be hard i need it, i had a really bad childhood and i no thats where all the pain comes from ,and i want to deal with it so i can have a better life and be ok.

[xxhappydaysxx]

What you said about theraphy is so good. It was really nice reading that you want to recover and be ok. With this determination you will achieve this goal. I'm sorry things have been hard but with the will to deal with things it will happen.

Can you talk to any other friends, family if things are difficult with this friend?

You dont need to be frustrated you cannot help how you feel but you are willinging to accept help to change it which is the most important thing.

Can you distract from hurting yourself? Like with drawing writing, squeezing something like a pilliow, etc.

Try and stay safe and take care, xxx

[Katiee]

I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain right now, hun. *hugs*
Self-harm won't make things any better sweetie. Could you talk to someone, someone who can help, but it's good your getting therpay soon
Can you talk to your friend about how you feel and that you don't want to loose him?

I'm sure your not fat at all. *hugs*
Hang on in there sweetie.
We're here for you. x