Triggering (Substance Abuse) - when an addict asks you for money...
hello everyone,
uhm, I've got a question to both addicts and people who live with addicts or are in any kind of relationship to addicts...
I know it is not good to give them money for their drugs but I really struggle with resisting... It actually really annoys me when my boyfriend asks me for money for drugs (well, it's "just" weed, which I don't mean in a glamourising way) because I see that he really needs it sometimes. He says he's not addicted, but I don't believe him. Well, that's not the thing I wanna discuss.
It's just, he keeps asking me for money although I'm absolutely run out of money, I'm not working at the moment, I can't get any benefit, I'm weeks behind with my rent and I still have to pay some doctor's bills. After tomorrow morning, when I will have brought my rent up to date and after I'll have paid for the doctor's I'll have about 200 Dollars for the next, uhm... couple of weeks? He knows that but he says he'll get his benefit backpaid tomorrow or wednesday so he can give me the money back.
I don't believe him. He already owes me some hundred dollars, he can't keep up with his rent as well, he needs to pay about 300 dollars fine within the next 2 weeks and I know it won't be enough to give it back to me...
I see him suffering but it makes me sick that he doesn't accept it that I just can't pay and that I DO NOT WANT to pay for it.
He's been asking me for money the last hours and I still say that I won't give him any money. He's shitty with me now and sees as an offence against his personality or something.
I'm not going to give in this time, I've done that too many times before...
But I'm sick of arguing and I just wanna know how other people live with it. And maybe someone has a tip for me? I don't wanna hear "break up and live your own live", that's not an option for me. I've known it before and I actually can live with it, but I'm just over this issue...
you wont hear this advice much, but if you feel he 'needs' the drugs, and you can afford it, give him the money.
i gave a suicidal heroin addict a fiver which i knew she would spend on drugs and then hurt herself because... its better than her stealing it or worse. and yes, weed is easier to give up and less destructive than heroin, but if you think hes gonna get the money one way or another, its safer to give him the money.
and tell him to stop, ive done weed and "oh, its nothing" until your druggie friends move on to harder things and you either go with them or have to change your whole social life. the heroin addict died a while ago, and i walked away when it was still just weed.
So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
And if you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
And if you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before you're dead
We can make some plans instead
Send me an IM, I'll be your friend Kimya Dawson - Loose Lips - Juno Soundtrack
Just make sure he doesn't move on to any other than weed. We all start off by 'just' smoking pot... and 3 years later I'm 17 and fighting a cocaine addiction. Watch out for him x
and there she goes with her head in the clouds again, ignoring the drama and chasing her dreams. because to her, reality is a stranger.
Dont give it to him. Its called enabling and it just enforces his addiction and lets him continue with it.
I may be biased though as I am speaking from the point of view as a child of addiction. It gets worse. Five dollars here for booze.. turns into 50 dollars for narcotics. If you don't give in, they'll steal. An addict is exactly that.. an addict. Its a disease and its terribly sad and so hard to watch someone you love go through it. But don't let yourself get caught up in it too. Its not your responsibility to fund his problem and if you do, he will simply keep doing what he is doing. I know its scary to think of what he would do for drugs without your money (steal.. etc) but he has to learn on his own. You can be there to support him and listen and love him, but not to fund the addiction.
Im sorry if i sounded harsh, i just know it gets worse if you give in.
I hope you and your friend are ok
xo
"They say time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons, but it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
Probably get banned for what I am about to say. The man is a monster. Even if you have to travel 10000 miles to see people, get out of there. 10000 miles is nothing, getting beat up is just wrong.
