Triggering (Suicide) - Need some advice

[Wabbit]

Hi everyone. I know I rarely post but I could really use some advice. My oldest son began talking about killing himself etc. when he was 4yo. Over the years (he is now 12yo) he has seen many psycologists and has improved. He tries very hard to control his temper, but on really bad days will sometimes threaten to kill himself. My family and the family of my best friend have spent a lot of time together; holidays together, bbq's and kids playing at each others houses. On Saturday my girlfriends' foster son killed himself. He was 17 and was no longer in her care, but they remained very close. My problem is what to tell my children, particuarly my 12yo. I am worried that if I tell him the truth, the next time he gets upset and talks about killing himself, it will be more realistic, more possible. Like, well Aaron killed himself and he was just a kid so I really can do it. On the other hand I considered telling him that Aaron died in an accident, like maybe hit by a car, but I don't like lies and would worry that he will find out the truth. And then I don't know exactly what to say if I tell them the truth. I suspect that I am not the best person to tell them because my view of suicide is not the conventional view. No one saw this coming, but when I look back over Aarons life it was one of sadness, pain and torment from the moment he was born, and I am relieved for him to no longer be suffering. So, any advice on how to approach this with my kids would be much appreciated. I need to tell them soon before they hear about it elsewhere. Take care everyone and sorry its so long.

[pea soup]

gosh...thats a hard one.
i would tell him the truth.
it will be hard for him but it might even make him realize how suicide affects friends and families and make him less apt to do it. im not really sure.
i dont have any worthwhile advice except i would tell him the truth because if he does find out...he will be very angry with you for lying to him.
hope everything works out.
much love.
xx

Hi
Personally I would tell him of the death, but not of how he died.
The questions may not follow but if they do then the truth would have to come out.

Im so sorry hun
Much love
xxxx

[TouchVanDerBoom]

If it were me in this situation I would tell him the truth and then tactfully ask him if he wanted to talk about his own suicidal feelings and ask if he saw them differently now someone "real" has committed suicide. I would tell him that hearing of this death made me anxious for him because I know how he can feel sometimes and don't want to lose him.

That's what my approach would be but only you know your son. Do what feels right *hug*

[Bitter_Angel]

That is a difficult one. I dont envy your situation *hugs*
I would also tell him the truth. or even possibly talk to what ever therapist he is currently under. Maybe you could both work together to tell him.
Also as said above, it may work to put him off a little. To see how it affects other people and to see how final it all is. That once your gone there is no going back ect.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.
Kim

[Wabbit]

Thank you all for the advice. It did help. I realized that I had to tell them the truth because our families still hang around together and they were bound to hear something anyway. And they want to go to the funeral. I also explained to my son why I was anxious about telling him. The discussion was fairly assuring and I think this has helped him to see the reality of suicide. (A little secret that I could never tell anyone in my real life... I am envious of Aaron, his pain is over). Take care.

[chocostashchick]

good luck
the most important thing is that you care and you are a great mom and i am sure that whatever you decide is best - trust your gut here