Long day, lots and lots of crying. And now I'm thinking things over. My mind's clear, but I don't think I know the answers.
This is mainly to do with my boyfriend.
Please tell me the truth about this. Is it ok to need someone? When I am so desparate and on the edge I cry and cry and can't speak out of fear of being accused of manipulating him. Is it ok to need him? To need comfort? Or anything at all?
Is it ok to want to be held and hugged?
Is it an achievement to be 8ish weeks SH free? Or should it just be that way anyway, and not count for anything?
Or should I be able to cope with things on my own? Do I need to be stronger, tougher?
I know there are things I need to work through. I hate the feeling of having his back to me, especially when we are asleep. I feel completely rejected. I need to try and pick myself up when I feel my mood dropping before it gets to that awful stage. I just don't know how yet. And there are many other things too.
He finds it so hard to deal with me. I understand, I do. But it's not working for me, the way he deals with me.
I don't know what I want from him at these times. I wouldn't know how to communicate it anyhow. Made a little rule in my head to avoid ringing him when he's upset but that doesn't solve other things as well.
I know I need (or want, I suppose) a lot of attention when I'm not good, and in general. How do I cope better on my own? When I don't get that little care/attention I just find myself sinking lower, my thoughts spiralling downwards at a million miles an hour. Myself, helpless to catch them.
Please be honest. Am I the one in the wrong here?
Last edited by Droplet : 27-05-2010 at 06:30 PM.
Reason: added a bit
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
Haven't read the entire post as food will burn but I just felt the need to reply quickly to one part of your post: it IS DEFINITELY an achievement. Sure, it should be that way anyway, but hell I don't really think we should be punishing children in starving nations because of their leadership, or alienating fathers in cases of divorce (two random choices, i know). The fact is it takes a LOT of willpower to make it any length of time (I'm currently at less than a day, and thats taking more strength than I remember having. I managed 3 years once though, so it IS possible).
And yes HUGE achievement! And definatly you should be proud of yourself for it.
With regards to how you cope on your own, could you find ways to give yourself some attention? I know sometimes its hard but if you happen to have a night or two to yourself, plan things that you like. Maybe buying yourself something, getting a film you like in, having a bath, drawing, reading, painting, music... whatever is your "thing" allow yourself to indulge in it. I know it might be hard but maybe its something that might help you a bit.
But no you are not in the wrong, I think most people need some attention, encouragement, love and reassurance and when its under threat it is often scary.
I hope this makes some sense, I feel I've waffled on a lot
Take care xx
"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier." Paulo Coelho
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
