Even tough I don't usually post that much, I like hanging around here, it makes me feel a bit better. My laptop has been broken for a couple of months and I have been too nervous to use my sister's for ryl in case she checks the history, she freaks when she thinks I'm not doing well. And I don't feel comfortable using public computers. So aaaahhhh.... it's great to be here again!
I've just been thinking alot about going back on my ADs. I haven't discussed my depression with a doc since I moved, and have been off them for 6 months, but I just feel like cutting all the time. I'm glad to say I haven't, but I think that's more because I have this problem with cutting anywhere that's not my arms, and I only wear a tshirt for work. So at least I don't do it, but I think about it all the time, about where I'd do it, what I'd use, what kinds of cuts the different knives or scissors or whatever would make. I'm starting to get those days where I can't do anything as well, like I just sit and stare or listen to music and it's a massive effort to DO anything.
I'm thinking therapy might be a better idea, because the ADs I was on made me numb and I ended up ****ing up even more than I think I would've if I wasn't on them. But I dunno if that's because I was smoking serious amounts of weed while on them. Now I don't smoke anymore, so I'm starting to kind of get my head round some stuff, and I'm working 2 jobs and everything so I feel a bit more functioning, but I'm just worried I'll go even more downhill again. Like I don't really have anyone to talk to here, and I'm supposed to be going back to university in september and I can't afford to **** up again since I've been given a second chance.
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