for the last 2ish months i have been severly depressed, i found out i was about 2 weeks pregnant about a week into it as i was late for my period, so i took a test and then had a miscarriage. i also found out i was diagnosed with bpd/eid...
after about 3/4 weeks of this depression my bf Stu visited me 3 times and one of the times he came over he told me he is planning on going travelling- which broke my heart, but i didn't say anything, so i felt pretty neglected by him, i didn't tell him about the pregnancy, i broke up with stu, slept with my ex as he seemed to be right there when i asked to see him(the bf before him) and then a few days later got back with stu.
that weekend we got back together,he got me out with his friends, and i saw a friend of mine and told her that i had cheated on him and i felt bad...i met this girl who that night after noticing what he's like with me told me that he is controlling and telling me who i can and can't be friends with, i told her about the break up and that i slept with my ex and that we were back together. my friend told her f*ck buddy (who is stu's friend) who then told my stu at the time...
so he decided to tell me he had a dream about me sleeping with me ex and kept asking if i had and i then told him i slept with him during are little break up, so that ended that relationship. but he still counts it as cheating on him...
i met up with him ooon friday or saturday night and he didn't stop me from kissing him and was being all cuddly with me and told me he still loves me and adores me...blah blah
the next day, he meets up with a girl he hasn't seen for 6 years, "crashed at her place" and told me about it the next day.
i've told him about the miscarriage now and he said he's glad it happened because it would have f**ked up our lives and would have just been taken away from me. i wish i still had the baby so much.
i want to be back with him...but he doesn't seem to understand that i "cheated" on him because i felt alone and neglected by him, because of the miscarriage and the fact that i'm down and feel so alone, empty and numb.
he tells me he just wants to be friends...but i can't be friends with him if i am still in love with him...
i took an od yesterday, i'm sick of all this, i feel like everyone is against me
i can't take this anymore
