Well ... as my title suggests I have no idea where to start so I shall start with the most troubling thing in my head:
I have stopped being seen by my therapist every week in favour of fortnight appointments and she said that will last until August - resulting in 10 sessions. What does that mean after 10 sessions I get chucked out even if I'm not cured?? I also want to see a psychiatrist t ohave a mental assessment because I've never had one but I'm too scared to ask my therapist.
Anyway the second thing is that my next door neighbours dog is being put to sleep tomorrow. I've grown up with this dog and I'm extremely close to her and I am her surrogate 'mother' as I look after her all the time when her owners go away. So I feel a huge sense of loss and am going through that 'will do anything' kind of stage. I keep crying thinking bout it and sometimes hwen I'm not even thinking about it I get teary. My mum brought me home the wrong meal from the fish and chip shop and I just went up to my room to eat it and wanted to cry! Everything is just too much for me now adays. I also look at my own pets; 3 mice, hamster and a rabbit and I feel nothing for them now. I used to feel intense love for my rabbit more than any of the others (besides my one original mouse Indy) and now I look at her and I just don't feel anything. It's not like numb, its that I don't want pets anymore. I'm finding it hard to even think of animals or love animals right now which is a real heartache as my passion is animals. I considering just slitting my wrists the other night and if it wasn't for the fact that I was so exhausted in bed from crying my eyes out and that I fell asleep, I probably would have done.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I think they will see how you go after those sessions, then assess if you need more treatment. That's what they're planning to do with me, as I'm currently having CBT and they're going to see if it's helping me or not... I don't think that they think that it is.
I want to see a psychiatrist too, but my therapist voluntarily said that I should go and see one (I didn't have to ask), but if you feel that its a good idea then I would definitely ask if I were you, even if you're nervous.
I kept trying to come up with reasons as to why I was experiencing the things that I am, and I think she saw that I was having trouble with that and that there was definitely something wrong so I'm waiting for the psychiatrists to swap over and then I'm going to see one...
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like this, you must be incredibly close to this dog.
Maybe its not that you don't want pets, it's just that you don't want to be around them because after the dog dies they'll remind you of her? Or you could feel like you're "cheating" on this dog with your pets, because you've known her longer?
I adore animals too, but sadly they do die... I've been surrounded by death nearly all my life, and I've learned to accept that I shouldn't get too close things. I work at a vets, and after a year of working there (I've been there 3 years), I finally learned not to get too close to some of the RSPCA cats that are there because they do find homes, and then it hurts to see them go, but I really wanted to carry on working there so I disconnected myself from them emotionally.
It's clear that you have deep emotional ties with this dog, which is understandable because dogs are so loyal to people that they love... Maybe instead of thinking that this is the end of something, maybe it's the beginning of something new because they could get a new dog.
You could also think of all the good times that you've had with that dog, instead of focusing on the negative, because sadly all good things come to an end.
*hugs*
If you need anything, just PM me.
X
HI Kitkat, Thank you for the reply. a close friend of mine told me what you have said as well. I am struggling with the notion of feeling no joy - once again even though I was starting to feel a bit better. I'm not sure if they will get a new dog or not but either way I think if I allow myself the time to grieve the pain will go away - or at least dull.
I am in the process of writing a letter to my psycholgist and am going ot go in and either give it to the reception or the reception of the CMHT building as I don't see her for another 2 weeks and that's too long for me to get this off my chest.
Thanks for reassuring me that at the end of the 10 sessions I won't just be dumped as I felt like she was putting a timer on my recovery which made me panic a little bit.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
That's okay :) just happy to help.
It would definitely be a good idea to let yourself grieve because otherwise you may rush into it and then totally regret getting close to the dog... It's a bit like taking time between relationships.
That sounds like a good idea, if you can't say what you want to then it's always a good idea to write it down, it does make it a lot easier.
I have no idea when I'm seeing my therapist next because she hasn't called me, and it's been 3 weeks and counting.
It would be totally wrong of them to put a timer on someone's recovery and rush it, because treatment can take from weeks to months to years, there's no set time limit that people should be recovered by.
It made me panic too when she said "We'll see how it goes" because I thought if she couldn't find any way to help me then she'd just drop me... But then I realised she was talking about other therapies and stuff.
Hope you're feeling better.
Its just a huge relief to know I won't be dropped the minute I hit 10 sessions because I feel that need to make myself better in that 10 weeks so obviously, I won't get better -if that makes sense.
I am feeling a bat better in terms of the animals - I picked up my hamster today (who is still in the process of being tamed) and I felt a bit happy - until she jumped out of my hand.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I know exactly what you mean. You won't feel better if you feel that you have to rush the recovery, these things will obviously take time and you cannot rush it and it would be a wise idea not to.
Well that's good :) I had hamsters, I've had 4... I think taming them was the most exciting bit because once they were tamed you knew that they were yours... Always made me feel happy and special :)
