Triggering (Suicide) - How do i know how to either take control or take the next step? *OD*

07-05-2010, 09:24 PM

I know Im'a sound stupid,
But I HONESTLY do not know what to do any more. I don't know what I'm doing,
I don't have anyone to talk to about how I'm feeling, other than my doctor, and I find it almost definitely(sp) impossible to do so.

I'm at the stage, where I do not want to go on, because I just cant see a way through it, I cant see how it can get any better, maybe I'm being pathetic, and just need to let go, I wanted so badly to take loads of pills, but I just couldn't do it. After I OD'd a few months back, and had a horrible experience in hospital its become almost impossible to put any form of pill in my mouth, I feel like a total FAKE, like I hate myself, surely if I want to give up so badly id just do it, I'm just so scared. So I'm just so confused on what to do, its becoming impossible to wake up, not cry, not do anything silly and not hide away from everyone, my anger is totally taking its toll, I can feel myself getting so wound up. I feel like I'm walking dead, There's no point. No nothing. I'm Pointless, and stupid for posting

lynx · 07-05-2010, 09:57 PM

You're not stupid for posting, Ambs. You're bright as the sun and it's just too bad that you're in this mess. You say you're finding it impossible to talk about your feelings? What about talking about them on here? Does that require strength? Do you think you would manage to print out a couple of your threads and show them to your doctor?

It can get better by talking about what happened and by starting to believe in yourself and in the fact that something better is waiting for you.

I am getting the strength to carry on now from my boyfriend, who loves me to death, and from the fact that I know better times are awaiting for us. I need to go to counselling again, I know that too, you know...

But you're not stupid for posting. Not at all.

07-05-2010, 10:14 PM

I sometimes find it hard to talk on here? I feel OK in the safe room, but in other places I just feel like I'm getting in the way, and no one wants to know.
I could try? Maybe.
It's worth I shot, I don't have anything to lose, I just feel like I'm falling apart,
No one would notice if I vanished, no one I know they wouldn't. There's no point in me, it just hurts to carry on.

JaffaCake. · 07-05-2010, 11:38 PM

you're not getting in the way sweetie, don't ever think that because everyone has a right to be wherever they want to.
are you sure there is no-one else you could talk to, maybe someone on ryl?
i'm always here if you wanted to talk?

i understand completley where you are coming from and so i know that it feels absolutley crap not knowing what you want to do or what you want to happen so all i can offer is hugs really because for me to give advice would make me a hipocrite :)

although i don't suppose anything i've said would make a difference, just always know that there are more people other than your doctor that you can speak to..

take care, pm me if you want<3
xx