Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - I want to stop this now

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

I am done with this.
That's it. I don't want to go through with this anymore.
I am Just fed up of waiting around now.
Its not even funny anymore.

I just want some closure now.
Not in ****ing october.
I want to be able to start to heal.
Start my new life with all this behind me.
This town.
This life.
This House.
This room.
Leave it all behind and forget about it.

That's it over.
I want it to happen before september.
I want it to happen now.

I want this neverending nightmare to end.
I don't want to suffer anymore.
I want to be free.
I want to feel again.
I want to stop this court process now.
Please?

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

I didn't really want to get out of bed this morning but I did.
I keep forgetting things, I keep forgetting where I am, who I am.

Im scared of myself. Im scared what damage I really could do.
Not cutting seems like a sick twisted punishiment, because I so badly want to do it.
It's like it's building up to one huge attempt..
I just don't want to be on this world any more.
I just don't want to breathe
I just don't want to see.
I don't want to exist.
I want all memories of my life and me forgotton about.
Washed away.

Erased

[Mandimoo]

oh ann, come on hun, you can do it. A lot of the first month of uni is inductiony stuff, if you spoke to the uni about what's going on you could maybe start after the court case? love you mand x