Triggering (Suicide) - Stuck and feeling increasingly desperate
I am in a bad place. Any advice or support would be, just... I’d be extremely grateful.
I have my University finals in two weeks. For the past few weeks I have been completely unable to work. I have felt (and still feel) physically extremely unwell – exhausted, dizzy and nauseous. I am sleeping a lot.
I feel utterly stuck. The only course of action I can see is death; I have a plan and a date. I cannot see myself sitting these exams – and I really just don’t want to – and I also cannot see myself passing at the moment. Yet voluntarily deferring them isn’t an option either as my dad has already booked plane tickets to my graduation in June, because I’m not even sure that it is an option, and because that would just increase the length of this stressed-out pre-exam period, the thought of which is unbearable.
I don’t want to die but I honestly cannot see a way out of this. I feel terrible.
I am afraid that on Thursday, when she asks me if I still feel suicidal, I won’t know what to say. Because part of me aches to tell the truth, yet the repercussions of it are too big, so I may lie. If I’m honest, I know that I’m not safe, and I don’t know what she will do.
Please help me. I am scared of what I am going to do. I thought I had it all decided but my head is full of doubt today.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Oooh exam pressure is horrible. I'm not sleeping and barely eating at the moment due to exams. But it is only temporary!
Its that old cliche "suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem".
I read on another thread that you are on anti depressants and they seem to be beginning to work so stick with them.
I am also perfectly sure that you are more prepared than you think for these exams. From what I know of you (which isn't much I admit), you seem to be very intelligent and very commited to your goal of becoming a vet. You have overcome so much already, 5 years of study! Don't fall at the last hurdle.. You can survive the last few weeks. You can do it!
I do encourage you to open up and admit how you are feeling, if you are still feeling this way on Thursday. Or even find someone before then if you need to. Explain how difficult you are finding this exam build up, on top of other problems and perhaps sit with someone and work out a solution. A revision timetable perhaps? Or extra time in the exams?
I think you do need to talk to the uni about how you are feeling so they can put that extra support in place for you, even if it means sitting them at another time and date, because your health is more imporant than anything else.
What are you afarid of her doing?
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Thank you both of you. Reading these replies made me cry.
makedamnsure: I did feel better this morning but it's all gone to shit again. I honestly do not feel like I can do this. I wish I could muster up the energy to try to get myself back on track but every day I am falling further behind. I already have a revision timetable but am doing mostly no work at all. I do not know who I would speak to at uni about this. I honestly don't know what to do.
Bleeding Angel - my health feels utterly unimportant at the moment. A big part of me just couldn't care less.
I'm am afraid I will end up in hospital, which is also not a viable option.
It's difficult to explain but the other options I have, other than suicide or feeling better and just sitting them and hoping for the best, feel completely impossible.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
I emailed my tutor at uni this morning. Maybe he will have some ideas of how to help.
I am seeing the GP tomorrow and I think that if I could feel physically better, that would help me a lot so will see if she can do anything. And I am seeing the CPN and psychiatrist on Thursday.
I have more support now than I have ever had. I hope it's enough.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Oh wonderful. My mum has just told me that re-sitting my exams is not an option. Great. So it's death or nothing then, because I do not think I will pass. I cannot even get out of bed. I cannot eat.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Hey, ignore your mum sweetheart.
You can re sit the exams, or take them at a later date, like august or something if thats what you need.
Your health comes first. And death is NEVER the only option.
I know how it feels to have a huge workload and seemingly no time or motivation to get through it. Or to "revise" but actually not take any of it in. Try and deal with it in bitesize chunks. 10 minutes at a time. Science type subjects are even more difficult to revise because there are complex ideas and specific terms to know. Do something "fun" like make a poster of the key terms you need to remember.
If you are still feeling physically sick don't push yourself too much for a day or so. Keep getting plenty of fluids down at least if you can't handle food.
Look, Ange. At the risk of talking about my own stuff, what you're going through reminds me of my final teaching practice. Which, quite frankly, felt to me - and my supervising teacher - as a complete disaster. But my tutor saw some goodness in me, and what I'd done. I totally thought I was going to fail. I was in a very bad state emotionally. I also had no real support. But I passed. And I got a 2:1 for my degree. You can do it too. You can get through this. Just take one step at a time, and do the best you can.
Thanks both of you, your replies really mean a lot.
makedamnsure: I know that you are right, also with the food and fluids etc, but the thing is 'don't push myself' isn't an issue. Honestly, this past week I have done next to no work at all. I don't know where the days go, they all just bled into each other and I do not get out of bed.
Katie: I'm glad you managed to get through okay and still passed. I don't feel hopeful at all but I do know that I have worked hard this past year and maybe that will be enough to get me through. I don't know.
My tutor emailed back and deferring isn't an option. I either have to sit them in 2 weeks time (with or without mitigating circumstances, which I refuse to have so without then), or suspend my studies for a full year and take them May 2011, which is unthinkeable.
I just want to scream.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
I'm so sorry Ange, I don't have many words.. just want you to know I'm listening and I care.
Love. xxx
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
2 weeks doesn't seem like much hun I know (mine are in 3! argh)
But you know you have worked hard this year. You have much of knowledge you need in your head and might be surprised how much you remember in the exam when it comes down to it.
By "don't push yourself" I really meant, don't put yourself under so much pressure. I find, the more I panic about it the worse I feel and then the less I actually do. Take the pressure off and suddenly revision seems easier.
If you are not doing any work at the moment, start doing an hour a day. Then build up to an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Even an hour a day gives you around 14 hours of work before the exams. If one section is worth more % wise then concentrate on that and take the others as they come.
My mum actually told me yesterday that she doesn't care if I fail anymore, she just wants me to be okay. She spent all yesterday morning crying. I feel horribly guilty for putting my family through all this worry, and just for some stupid exams. It's pathetic really.
Anyway. I am seeing the CPN again today (I saw her last week) and also a psychiatrist. Am feeling very nervous but I will try to be honest.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
