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Triggering (SI/OD) - Im an awful person but I never change...
This is going to be a bit long, Anyway I have s/h since I was 11/12 im now 18. First of all bullying started it then my anxiety, paranoia and bad self image took over. Then began my awful relationships, at 14 I had my first proper boyfriend (he was 16) to cut a long story short he wanted sex didnt get it so cheated so that ended (in between this I began ODing & not eating which lead to a bad relationship with my mother). A month or so later I got with Sean my first everything (i still couldnt stop s/h) we were together 3 years before we had to admit it was well & truly over because I had ruined it by cheating (I know Im a bitch). I didnt take this so well left with nobody loving me, by this time my mother had kicked me out shipped me off to my dads who was recovering from manic depression since I was 7, I ODed bad enough to be in hospital for a few weeks I met James the day after I was discharged we hit it off and again I was back in a serious relationship dependant on someone else - willing someone to love me because I cant love myself. Again I cheated twice (where I know Im an awful person) we spilt and are back together but I just dont get why I do this? I know I dont deserve advice or want sympathy I just need some understanding I expect critism too for what I have done because nothing can justify it. I just one day want to have a normal relationship where it doesnt affect me to the point of s/h and ODing.
Sorry for the length any advice appreciated.
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