Triggering (SI/OD) - how i feel atm

DannieGirl · 30-04-2010, 11:10 AM

hi,
i just wanted to type out this depression episode i've had for the last 4 weeks.
there has been a few trips to minor injuries to have a arms looked at, 2 trips to a&e for od (both not enought to cause harm so i got sent home) and a few trips to a walk in center for feeling suicidal. i'm not able to the leave the house alone without having a panic attack, so i have to go with someone and i'm not allowed to be left on my own and my medication has been hidden from me...

basically, the way i'm feeling atm: i feel like a small vunerable child whilst being depressed...then when i get destructive towards myself it's almost like a deamon pushing this child away and making me do the od and sh.

does this make sense at all to anyone?

i did the millon assessment the other week with my psychologist and it came up that i have alot of bpd traits with major depression, aggression, passive aggression, paranoia, anxiety and bp traits... i don't know if this will lead to a dignosis...

is it right to want a diagnosis so i know what to do to help it get better?

88shelz · 30-04-2010, 01:38 PM

im sorrry you are feeling this way. perhaps going back to the doctor and showing this could help. ask the questions you need the answers to

im_the_kid_that_falls · 30-04-2010, 02:44 PM

Hi! *hugs* Sorry you have been so low this past while!
I have to agree with the whole thing about wanting a diagnosis, my mind can be very Scientific so I want a label not just to be told that it happens to many people for many reasone. Makes me feel like they don't really know whats happening or why. I'm sure they do, but thats just the feeling I have.
Anyways, hope ou manage to get the help you need and get bette! *hugs* x-x-x

tamobhuuta · 30-04-2010, 04:23 PM

sorry things are so bad. i think it's perfectly ok to want a diagnosis so you know how to deal with it. lots of people, but not everyone, find that things feel a bit up in the air without something concrete. do you have any professional support at the moment?

DannieGirl · 30-04-2010, 04:55 PM

i'm going mad here...i can't find my medication...where the hell has she hidden it! i want to od!

DannieGirl · 30-04-2010, 04:59 PM

i found some of my old medication sertraline...i'm so tempted!

tamobhuuta · 30-04-2010, 07:13 PM

hi Dannie, i really hope you haven't ODed. why do you think it would help? not asking in an accusing way, but maybe if you know why you want to do it you can find a replacement.

DannieGirl · 30-04-2010, 07:22 PM

i don't know why i want to do it...i don't know why i want to do many htings, it like i have no control of anything

DannieGirl · 01-05-2010, 10:17 AM

i didn't do the od...my bf pleaded to me on the phone to give the old meds to my grandmother to throw them away...but i did cut...

sorry guys

im_the_kid_that_falls · 01-05-2010, 10:45 AM

*hugs*
Well done for not ODing! *claps in a circle*
How are you feeling now?

DannieGirl · 01-05-2010, 10:49 AM

well after writing some stuff out..i feel a little relieved...the cutting relieved me a bit, i took some diazepam to try and relax me...but i struggled sleeping...
i'm still pretty down though...cant wait for it to lift

tamobhuuta · 01-05-2010, 03:01 PM

well done for talking to your boyfriend. just take things one at a time. it's ok that you cut (obviously not good, but we're not going to judge you for it) will you try writing again, to get things out? xxx

DannieGirl · 02-05-2010, 11:08 AM

i put up what i wrote...sorry, 3rd post in 2 days but it's something i want everyone to know... is the thread...

i sent it to my family a friend asnd my cpn and psychologist