Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - Everything happens in a day

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

I managed to trigger myself today, It wasn't very nice. I was out on the river teaching children how to paddle and i was wearing shorts, they rose up a bit and showed the fairly recent cuts. I panicked & wanted to cut more but then realised where I was & snapped out of it.

I just hope none of the children saw. Im so stupid. Its not a good example to set but the urge to do it again is just so overwhelming. I feel like im slipping back into the neverending cycle of harming..

My parents aren't talking to each other, its been two days now that they haven't spoken after an argument. My mum blaming my dad, my dad blaming himself. I tried asking them stuff to try and help but they wont talk to me about it. After his suicide attempt its just so hard to live with them. I feel guilty.

My mum and brother had a conversation about overdosing and stuff.. which triggered me off again & then started talking about r*** & SA.. I just walked off. I couldn't take it anymore.

My friend thinks i should tell my parents about the r*** & going to court & everything.. But I just can't do it. Im sure them knowing will be the last straw for my family & can see the relationship falling apart & something stupid happening..

I just don't feel like I can do this anymore. Everything just seems so overwhelming, so triggering. Its just too much. I just want everything to stop now and be over and done with.

[crazykat]

I highly doubt the children would have seen them, they would have been busy having fun. Plus when children usually see stuff like that they are prone to ask questions so I wouldn't really worry about it too much. Well done on resisting the urge while you were out through, it must have been hard. Also just wanted to point out you are not responsible for your dad's suicide attempt. I don't really have a lot else in terms of advice but hold on there hun, you will make it through this. Take care
Kat xxx

[~phoenix~]

I'll agree with Kat there. Kids ask about EVERYTHING!
I'm sorry things are hard at home at the moment. It can't be easy, especially with everything that you're going through. Do you have good support from your friends? I do however feel that, if your parents find out what's going on, it would devastate them even more to know you've kept it from them and muddled through this alone. I know if my son was going through anything like this that he'd tell me. Maybe I look at it differently because I am a parent, but if they find out any way other than you telling them, it'll hurt them so much more. And there's every possibility they will. You need to remember that

*hugs* you need to do what YOU feel is right though, sweetheart.I can only say what I feel, but you ultimately make that decision.