Oh, how I know how you feel.
But are you really sure this is what you want to do? Maybe it would be a good idea to do something you enjoy, and try to remind yourself why life is worth it.
That sounds like a total bunch of crap, sorry.
Could you try to be around someone, do something fun and distracting?
I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Do you know what it thats making you feel this way? Whats happening for you? Please dont end your life, iv been there before many times and i know what its like, but im glad that i didnt go through with taking my life. I dont know you but you seem a lovely person, suicide isnt the answer, does your boyfriend know how your feeling? If you ended your life he would be very upset and would probably blame himself. Dont give up. Do you have any suport?
Take care all the best Ian
Last edited by Cazki : 27-04-2010 at 11:53 PM.
Reason: corrected error
By posting you have at leased showed that you want some form of help, even if its someone to sit and hold your hand right now, can you talk to use and tell us what is going on?
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I've been here before. Hell, I've even been a hospital in[atient for months for this before. I know that I can't do it anymore. I know that I want to die, that my friends need to be free.
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
Death is such a permentant thing, it hurts more people than you can imagine. Mental illness doesnt have to control you or take over your life or even make you want to die. Do you have any help at the moment, gp/ phy?
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I'm dying inside. I need people but they're not there, and I'm always there for them. I have people immediately here, but I don't care. I can't care. I want to die. I don't care any more. I want to bleed, and hurt, and be in pain and then everything be over
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
Can you ask them to be there for you? Maybe they don't know you need them. I am hearing that part of you wants people but the other part doesn't care that you do have some with you, perhaps you need to really tune into the part of you that wants to be talked back and be honest with those who are around you, or at least try engaging with them even if not on something as serious as suicide, but maybe that you just need a pick-me-up.
Please don't give up.
Is there some professional you can tell that you are feeling this badly? You need some more support when you are having these thoughts, maybe you could even call a helpine.
I know that you probably feel exhausted right now, since you have been through all of this before. I imagine you're asking yourself, when will it stop? When will I better? That you've concluded that you'll never be better, that this will haunt you forever. I know right now you think that it would be easier if you just killed yourself. It would be, that'd be it. That would be your life finished, destroying lives of people you thought would be easier without you. I doubt that your boyfriend would ever live a day without asking himself, "What could I have done?" I know it's horrible that you've recovered before and that you have begun spiralling downward again-you probably feel that all of your hard work was for nothing-but relapses happen, and you'll just have to keep on going until you get better again. I don't know any real answers, I don't know if I'll be plagued with episodes of manic depression forever-but I won't know unless I keep fighting on through. I won't know if I'll ever live without worrying when my next episode is coming but I sure as fucking hell am going to fight until I do know for certain.
I just can't fight anymore. I have fought for years. I have spent every f*cking day taking the pills and going to therapy and now they say that it is something inherently in me. I will never be ok. I know that people do care, but they don't show me, or they're not here. I want to end this all, I really do. I've had enough, I can't fight this, I've run out of fight. Eve if I survive this one, the next? And the next? Now is best
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
Fuck that! Can't you just act lethargically and sleep unhealthily long or stop talking or stop showering as opposed to kill yourself? At least when you act like that somebody will get an idea of how miserable you are! Then maybe someone will notice and help. Maybe just outwardly showing how depressed you are will make you feel better, sort of like self-harm except you don't actually do any harm. Do that! Killing yourself is not an option.
It is. I haven't been dressed for days. Noone cares. It wouldn't work. I don't want someone else to fix me, I just want it to end. I wish someone would care, and come and look after me, but it won't happen. I'm done, I'm over.
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
If you want someone to care and come and look after you, then maybe you need to let someone know you want that. If you're unsafe maybe you need to consider going into hospital, would that help you to stay safe and feel looked after aswell? You could learn some important skills too.
I can't afford it. NHS wards terrify me; when I was under CAMHS I was in the priory. I don't want to go back. I'm scared and alone and hurting. I want this to end. Just to go away.
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
I care, and I imagine the other people who have replied to here also care. If you're feeling unsafe you really need to reach out and call someone right now, call a helpline perhaps or get to A&E. You really need to reach out when you're feeling like this and posting is a good step but perhaps you need to do something in your real life, too, so you can get that support. Please don't give up.
