Please don't judge me on this because I feel bad enough as it is. But my mum was making me rehome my mice tonight because she was going to give them to a snake guy. I obviously didn't want this so I liberated them and took them into the woods and tearfully let them go. I would rather they were wild than fed to a snake!!! Anyway whilst I was saying goodbye to one of them, I killed one I tripped and trod on her. I will never forgive myself and I am a horrible human being. I know she was ill but I would never hurt any of my mice. So I am confessing this because I know if I don't I will just go and cut and then not feel better and just get even more upset. I hate myself right now more than I ever have.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
You didn't mean to trip over one of your mice hun. You didn't mean to kill that mouse, it was an accident. It's a bit like when you hit a cat with your automobile or when you hit a sparrow with your bike (it happened to my mother once - she was devastated.) An accident, not meant to happen and not at all something to feel guilty about (apart from the fact that because of you an animal is dead now. But that's not unforgivable! You didn't mean to.)
Now please go to bed, try to get some sleep, and it'll hopefully all be digested in the morning. If it's not, you can sulk about it a little and we'll be here to comfort you. But don't worry, you were going to set them free, you wanted them to LIVE that's why you didn't feed them to that snake, and you wanted them to be wherever they wanted to be. You should in fact be proud of yourself.
Big support hug.
Tineke
Last edited by lynx : 27-04-2010 at 10:56 PM.
Reason: vocab
RYL FAMILY
Jo (Newlife) is my daughter
Kat (Katnovia) is my sister
I would have taken them to a shelter if I had more time, but my mum said I had like 4 hours :(
Thanks for not shouting at me. :(
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
You didn't mean to trip over one of your mice hun. You didn't mean to kill that mouse, it was an accident. It's a bit like when you hit a cat with your automobile or when you hit a sparrow with your bike (it happened to my mother once - she was devastated.) An accident, not meant to happen and not at all something to feel guilty about (apart from the fact that because of you an animal is dead now. But that's not unforgivable! You didn't mean to.)
Now please go to bed, try to get some sleep, and it'll hopefully all be digested in the morning. If it's not, you can sulk about it a little and we'll be here to comfort you. But don't worry, you were going to set them free, you wanted them to LIVE that's why you didn't feed them to that snake, and you wanted them to be wherever they wanted to be. You should in fact be proud of yourself.
Big support hug.
Tineke
^^that.
You do NOT need to harm yourself over this; it was an accident.
Im so sorry.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
It was an accident. It shows what a caring person you are that you did what you could to help them. Of course releasing them probably wasn't as good as a shelter would've been, but you did what you felt was right, and killing one was a complete accident. I know it feels horrible though. Please don't hurt yourself, you've done nothing wrong. Can you talk to anybody about how you're feeling?
Thanks for the replies :( I didn't harm myself over it - well not over that anyway but I tried telling my mum and she kept saying 'oh it's fine'.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
Oh hunni, when i read this i just wanted to give you a great big hug. It was an accident that you stepped on the mouse. It shows how much you love them that you would rather set them free than letting them become snake food. If i was in your situation i would have done the same.
I know it hurts so much. But there's no need to make it hurt more by punishing yourself.
You did the best you could given the circumstances. If it's any consolation i'd probably feel the same way as you, but please be gentle with yourself.
Honey, you didn't do it on purpose, and clearly you feel guilty and distressed about it, people who mean to do these things, are not likely to feel guilty about it and distressed.
You are a very good person, and you did not mean to do it.
I'm sure your little friend forgives you & wishes you'd stop beating yourself up about it.
Thank you so much for both of your messages. it helps me to move on knowing that it's not my fault and even though I continue to feel guilty, I am more positive that the guilt will pass in due time.
**hugs to both of you**
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
I tripped and trod on her. I will never forgive myself and I am a horrible human being. I know she was ill but I would never hurt any of my mice. So I am confessing this because I know if I don't I will just go and cut and then not feel better and just get even more upset. I hate myself right now more than I ever have. 
