I have told my clinical psychologist that I am finding how I feel after appointments really difficult. I even said that recently I wanted to drive into a wall after. As a result I said that today although I was answering his questions I felt dead inside. It is the only way I can keep myself safe.
He asked if I thought it was possible to address difficult things without bringing up these feelings. It just seems that he doesn't care how bad I feel afterwards. He did refer me to a befriending service, but I've seen someone twice in 3 months.
I know I have to keep trying, but I can't deal with the emotions afterwards and I'm starting to really hate him.
When you discuss hard things of course you're going to feel bad afterwards but the important thing is to keep trying. I've felt that way after counseling sessions to, but the more you do it the easier it gets. Hold in there you're doing good. You can pm me anytime if you would like I'm always up for talking or listening.
Thanks for that kindness. The trouble is I've been seeing him for 3 years and recently the aftermath of emotions following the appointments has gotten worse. It is probably because I'm in a stable place outside of appointments now that he is 'pushing' more.
It's understandable that you would be upset after the appointments, especially if he is pushing you more to talk about the difficult stuff. I used to feel that way. I used to be so upset afterwards, and that's normal. But it's also a good thing because in the long run, talking about the difficult stuff will help you. Have you tried writing things down after your appointments? Like everything you feel/think after you come out of their? I used to do that, just to get it all down on paper and it used to help me calm down.
I can try the writing one. I don't have anyone I could be with or talk to after the appointments. Because I work I get the last one, which means I can't even talk to a duty worker as they are always getting ready to leave and don't have time for me. The befriender service cancelled on me, and I feel really unsupported at the moment.
I went through a phase of intense distress after my psychotherapy sessions. It did pass though, eventually. Getting on the right medication helped. And my therapist's compassionate firm strong gentleness in patiently persisting me through the darkest of places.
I've tried a wide variety of different medication and none have made any difference, although I wish they would. He doesn't think I should take anything and I discharged myself from the psychiatrist as they kept trying different ones and I couldn't 'please' both of them.
He's really good in the sessions it is just the after part that is making me so upset. I don't think he cares how it makes me feel and that means I don't want to really talk to him at the moment.
I think it is more an abandoment issue and that I don't matter. The emotions get less intense the further away I get from the appointments. The worst part is straight after and getting home. Sometimes I just sit sobbing in the car park.
I don't think the way you feel is that unusual. You are opening up and talking about very personal things with him, so it's normal to feel like you are relying on him and to struggle when you have to leave and you remember that he's a psychologist, and that he can't be there for you all the time.
However, having said that, this does not mean that he doesn't care. He just has a job to do. Maybe you could ask him to write you something which you can read afterwards, to remind you that his support is there?
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
In my head I know that you are right, but my feelings haven't got to that point yet. I shall keep trying. I don't know what I could ask him to write though. It would be nice to have something real to hold onto at times. I doubt he'd do it though, as I'm not allowed to email him so guess that would be similar.
I rang the duty worker because I still haven't managed to get myself together. He told me to "get some structure" in my evening. I have to have structure as I have to make sure I get to work tomorrow, but I just don't want to anymore. I cried again for nothing.
I've struggled with this one. Actually I am still struggling with it. I used to get so angry at my therapist for hearing how sad and desperate I am and then asking me to leave and cope with it all. This had previously happened so often with other professionals that I closed off my mind and told myself they simply weren't listening hard enough (because it was harder to reconcile with the only other option - that they didn't care enough). But with this therapist i knew she had heard me. I would fight and fight against her trying to make her care enough, until one day I realised she did care but she can't fix it and make my feelings all better. It still hurts to hell but it is better to have come to a place where I know she cares even if I don't feel better exactly. We still go over and over this subject as I still need constant confirmation that she cares. And sometimes when i'm really raw I forget entirely. She likes to believe that we can do therapy in safe parts to stop the feelings overwhelming me, but I think that is a slightly nieve approach. Perhaps that is how you feel with your therapist too?
I don't have any advice as such except that you should tell your therapist again and again how overwhelmed you become and how alone you can feel. I'm not saying he can do anything to make you feel better, but expressing it may be the start to you helping relieve the pain. That is what i did anyway. But i am still struggling with this so I don't know much.
I will do that. I hope it gets better for you as well. The duty worker just said that it was bound to make things difficult, but it doesn't really help.
