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Triggering (SI/ED) - More Alone-Not a question.
I didn't know if this was triggering or not, or what forum to put it in since it deals with multiple problems. This isn't a question and I don't even know why I am writing about it, I guess I just need to say/write it out since there's no one I can talk to.
Lately I've been feeling more alone than ever, I used to be able to at least talk to my mom about some of my issues, but now I just can't. I have an eating disorder, but unlike others who suffer, I am not a twig, which makes me feel like a failure (which I KNOW is wrong, but still, it's how I feel). I work out a lot, I try to not eat much, I suffer from Lupus so the chronic pain is not helping. I hate everything about the way I look and all I want to do is cry because I am so tired I can't even stand up straight. I hate that I care about what I look like, I hate how pathetic I am, I just hate everything about me. Lately I've started cutting again because it stops me from crying. My entire life has been put on hold and I feel like such a failure compared to the rest of my friends and family who are all happy bright and shiny people with successful lives. My parents want me to get help, but I've done so in the past and it never makes me feel better. I have no one I can talk to and talking isn't going to help so there really isn't a point at all.
I really just want it all to end but I'm scared of what happens after you die, so that's kept me alive. I don't know what to do or if there even is anything to to do...I just feel so horrible.
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