I'm a 13 year old andro girl who has taken on our body's given name, but would prefer to be called Morgan.
She's really sweet. Broken, but sweet. She's a people pleaser and does anything to see someone else happy.
She's been abused and neglected. Physically and emotionally.
13 is about the age where the abuse died off mostly. We were able to deal with ourselves emotionally, and we got big enough that our parents didn't want to hit us anymore.
Kyle is almost 16 (so still 15). He's really angry, and he's a lot bigger and stronger than me. He's only been really abused once, but I know what happened. He can't handle it.
Kyle cuts. Our leg is a bit of a mess lately because of it. He had managed to go 4 months but it didn't last I guess.
We don't know what to do. Living together.
I want to be able to get past the abuse.
He's afraid to let me be on my own for any time length.
Today's the first day I've been alone for more than an hour. I like it, being allowed to be my own person, but i can tell he's scared.
Help?
[sidenote: we don't care who replies are addressed to. You can just use our username if it's easier]
EDIT: Forgot to mention
Physically and legally, we're female, and the same age as kyle.
Last edited by flying[star] : 25-04-2010 at 11:45 PM.
*Hugs* sounds like your almost creating a second personality to act almost like a body guard or an older brother, Are you taking any meds or do you have anyone close by like a CPN or Psych or even a relative who can help you through this, sorry I can't be of much help please stay safe *Hugs*
KYLE:
Well, I personally find it difficult to believe that I was the one created... I've grown up, Morgan hasn't aged since we split. Actually she's more at a maturity level of just before.
I don't know... she needs to be protected. But me and a close friend of mine (Morgan's afraid of him...then again she's afraid of all guys) has been trying to convince me to give her some time. Time to be a little girl that we never got to be. Well not necessarily a girl, I'm transgendered, and she's not very feminine either. But yeah, you get it right?
Ugh. I'm frusterated by this.
We're different enough to be a pain in eachother's asses.
We're not on any medication for anything. The occasional pain killer (some illegaly, most of the time OTC) and cold meds (I admit to that one being fully me.. she doesn't use anything like that) but consitirng how infrequent it is (comparatively to others) that shouldn't be effecting.
I have another account, so if a user you happen to know is male replies to this in a manner that's replying to individual posts,...yeah. She doesn't use it though, which is why we used this to post the thread.
Consider seeing a doctor & getting some meds or see a professional they might be able to help, I understand the whole thing of trying to relive your childhood I tried that too, it doesn't work out just makes the people closest you angry, As for the illegal stuff I've done that too, maybe once in a blue moon, Sounds like your trying to self medicate just as I was, please take my advice see your doctor, I was put on meds that made me stable, but now I changed them to stop me sleeping too much & don't think the new ones are working too well, but sounds like you'd benefit from counseling too, please stay safe *hugs* be nice to yourself give yourself a hug. It does get better it will just take time xxx :)
We also think it is important to have someone for you to talk to; like a therapist. Abuse and neglect can cause some of the things you have described and an important part of healing is to feel safe and heard. Therapy is a healthy and safe space for you to talk about anything you feel is an issue.
Perhaps look for a therapist who has experience with trauma?
We're afraid of doctors. They don't take us seriously.
I mean they don't have any reason to. People have been hurt so much worse. We were fed with a roof, but they just forgot a lot of other things, particularly in the "caring" department.
We were kinda poor for a long time, so it's really not reasonable to hold some of the neglect to them.
Therapists aren't 'safe' in our experiences either. They try to get you to say incriminating things so they can tell your parents and get you in more trouble, and we're already hated. And if Kyle talked about his drug use and anger we'd be put in jail probably.
How has it helped you? Did you find someone who was OK with all of you and wouldn't judge because of something you did or believed [all them we've been to hated that we were bisexual and disagreed with organized religion].
I'm a survivor of emotional neglect and abuses too. I've also got splits, although they look somewhat different. Meds don't really help with such complexities, though they can ease the rawness of the anxiety and depression - you probably won't get a doc. 'getting' the splits, but they can help with anxiety and depression. Therapy can really really help. It can take time - especially with trust issues, and working safely through the complexities. But it's good to enter therapy when you're ready, and if it means waiting until you're older and you can afford private therapy, that may be a possibility. [it's sort of what happened with me.] My therapist is fine with all of me, and helps me accept them all, rather than judge them. She's more compassionate with them sometimes than I am, and she knows usually before I do who's out.
A good therapist works with you, not against you.
KYLE:
So in other words when we're(I'm?) older (I don't know if Morgan is going to grow up with me or not, it hasn't been long enough to tell), we can get help.
Great. Just great.
yeah I'm a little bitter. It happens after awhile. Not saying that it *can't* change but that it's not something I'm working on.
Reading what she wrote... wow. First off I didn't realize she was capable of spelling, normally I can't understand a thing she writes (including notes left for me to read later). Kid's scared of me and herself :(.
Is there anything I can do to help her?
It's not about you being older, Kyle. I'm sorry, I know I didn't make myself clear when I posted. It's about finding someone who's right to help you, because if you get the wrong person, it's sucky. It really is.
I'm sorry I'm not more help. >_<
If any of you need to talk, feel free to PM. I'm here to talk, no matter what.
Oh I did. But I don't have many options ATM, consitering my parents don't even like acknowledging I exist, let alone the issues.
And.. well christan area + I can't drive + no money/job = dificult to find someone who isn't going to try to just dump meds in us
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