please please help me.
I just cut for the first time ever. I would NEVER have thought that it would happen to me, especially since I survived my teens without once considering self harm. But now it has. I'm still a bit in shock to be honest.
I really have to be the strong one in my family and I don't have any friends I trust enough to tell. So basically NOBODY can find out. It will be awful if they do - trust me! I am so ashamed and regretful and miserable about this, and I really dont want to make anyone else feel bad as well.
has anyone here ever managed to successfully explain away their injuries? I was thinking of saying I fell into a bramble patch. But I don't know if I will sound convincing. Its only my right arm. But it looks a real mess, and the cuts are so deliberate looking... Oh help.
also, how long should it take to fade? roughly? I hope I haven't confined myself to long sleeved tops for the rest of my life...
I have looked up both of these questions all over the internet but I can't find anything yet... so if anybody has any advice for me, I would be eternally grateful because I'm at my wits end and really really worried about what will happen if by bad luck somebody notices something.
I doubt you've confined yourself to long sleeved tops for the rest of your life, if it was superficial, they'll take a few weeks to heal & they'll be scarred for a few months, maybe years, depending on how quickly you heal.
Bio Oil can help with the scarring.
In regards to explaining your injuries, I'm unsure if that could count as tip sharing, so I'll wait on that question.
Don't do this again, seriously, I've been a self harmer since I was 7 & I'm now permanently scarred over the majority of my body, it causes more problems than help, it is a vicious addiction & it can become so severe that it may end up taking your life.
If not that, it can feel like it takes your life anyway, it almost feels like it becomes who you are, & it makes everything that much worse.
I'd also suggest getting professional help as to why you injured yourself in the first place, this way you are less likely to do it again if you get to the bottom of this & find other more healthy ways to cope & to get through why life is so difficult for you right now.
I have self injured for 3 years, so I guess I have quite a bit of experience in that area. Honestly I cannot tell you how long it will take your wounds to heal, have you had them seen to? It could take anywhere from days to months to never. We can't tell you how to explain away your injuries, as that could be counterproductive. I understand that there is probably a good reason why you don't wish to confide in any of your family members or friends, but without support you will probably continue on this path.
What makes you feel that you need to be the strong one in your family? It is okay to be upset sometimes.
I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but I think that you should speak to a mental health professional. Believe me, you do not want this to be your first time self injuring, you want this to be the LAST time you self injure. Do you know why you did it? Feeling guilty won't solve the problem, often you have to identify the reason behind it. It is important for you to begin healing before it becomes worse.
Please feel free to PM me if you wish to talk more.
Thanks for your replies.
I don't exactly know why it happened. I can see now I really have to address that.. but I don't know what it is. Nothing happened to trigger it. I'd felt down for weeks though. Just black mood, for no obvious reason. I suppose the pressure of covering it got too much. Honestly I'm sure even now nobody has noticed I'm off colour, and I do want to keep it that way which is why explaining is important. I don't want to hurt my family, and I wouldn't know where to begin telling them about how I feel. I don't have any friends - now there's a confession..! I feel soo pathetic saying that, but oh well, truths out.
I suppose I have a lot of social anxiety. The thought of seeing a professional makes me want to shrivel up. I've never been to a doctor. I don't talk to people, especially strangers, especially about such personal issues. The internet has always been my main interaction with others, but I don't even do that any more, except for making this post. I live near family so I'm not totally alone all the time, but my mother has mental health issues and I've been her carer in the past, so I really do have to be careful not to stress or worry her in any way. I have two little sisters who I am determined not to be a bad example to, they are 12 and 14. I don't know my dad and he lives a long way away. So that's why I really have nobody to tell, and why I need to be strong and find my own way out of this.
To come back to reasons behind it... (I feel terribly self-pitying trying to think of things that are wrong with my life! I have a lot to be thankful for) all I remember thinking at the time was that I felt so numb and bleak in my mind that it was like being in constant agony, and the only way I could get it to stop was to cause physical pain. Stupid I know, but I wasn't thinking straight. I felt it would give me the energy to get myself going again and get up off the bed. I feel ridiculous now and so certain it would never happen again, honestly I do, I just need to be able to deal with this time and move on swiftly... put it behind me as fast as I can, which is why I'm asking about healing and explanations.
Sorry if I don't make sense... obviously enough communication is not my strong point!
I'm a stranger and you are talking to me. But I understand the difference as this is over the internet and not face to face as speaking to a professional would be. Do you really believe that you can pull yourself out of this? I am not saying that are not strong, and I can see that you sincerely care about your family, but you can't solve everything by yourself. Some pain is too much for a person to bear alone.
How are you feeling now? Can you describe what you felt pressured to cover?
I too have trouble with social anxiety, although I do have a few friends I can't bring myself to talk about difficult things with them. I suppose I have forced them to be "fair-weather friends". I guess it is difficult to offer you a way to heal as in most circumstances people have support networks that they can lean on, but it doesn't seem like you have that. What are you doing to help with the social anxiety?
You are asking me questions that make me think about things I haven't thought about before. It feels like its giving me a place to start, so I'm really grateful. Thank you.
I don't have much to say in reply but I will definitely be working on this and being as positive as I can from now on.
What did I need to cover? Just the fact that I was unhappy. For one thing its irrational, as I am healthy and fit and have everything I need aside from people, but as I like my own company and I know they're out there if I really made the effort, its nothing to complain about. So being miserable a lot of the time really makes no sense and I can't see anybody understanding that I really am unhappy, and if they did, I think it would hurt them. I feel like I'm wasting all the good things I have. I can't wait til I work out how to make it stop!
Mostly with the social anxiety I just minimise the time spent around other people... I think I have to get my mental state fit again before I start working on my social life, because as it is, I can hardly handle my own family!
Thanks again for your well wishes.
I'm glad that this is making you think. It's nice to know that you are working on recovery.
You don't have to rationalize how you are feeling, emotions are not always dependent on events or life circumstances. You could have the best life in the world and still be extremely unhappy. Try not to feel guilty about being unhappy, it will only make it worse.
I think that your limited social life could definitely be affecting your happiness, especially if you desire to have more interactions with people. I am getting the impression that you wish to have friends, but your anxiety is holding you back.
What do you plan to do to help your mental health?
I hope you're okay at the moment, I just want you to remember that it is addictive behaviour and not in any way pleasurable addictive behaviour - eat lollipops instead it's much better for you! Just take care and realise that nobody on this site would advocate to you that self harm is a good thing because it isn't and you should stop whilst you can x
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know heaps of people who have done it once and never got hooked. Just really try and focus on that feeling of how you don't like the idea/hassle of hiding your skin and then imagine what it will feel like multiplied a million times and wearing high collers, long sleeves and never getting into a bikini again for the rest of your life!!
It's really not worth it....
When you're feeling angry and stressed and can't sleep I really recommend audiobook...they give your mind something to latch onto...
Harry Potter is perfect because there's hours of the stuff!!
