So just recently it seems that all my relationships are comepletly breaking down.
Me and my parents no longer get on...its just constant conflict and arguments, which is really sad, because I was hoping our relationship was going to get better at some point, not worse.
My social worker is the big one! We use to get on really REALLY well...I could talk to her about anything, I felt glad when I new I had an appointment with her, or when she called, and I always called her whenever I needed someone which was quite a lot. But just recently I want to stab her! Shes a professional right, but just recently we have been arguing like mother/daughter relationship... and Im not talking petty little disagreements..Im talking full blown arguments..the last one being in front of the crisis team and, even they said did we need some time to cool off. My social worker has cried a lot recently to she keeps saying shes scared shes going to lose me to suicide, or anorexia :( and that she really cares about me and we have a special bond etc..But I currently cant ven stand hearing her name, and anyone that mentions her name I just start stressing, the same as if people talk about my parents, or anyone that Im currently not friendly with. Im seeing my social worker on Friday but Im dreading it, because I feel its just gonna be arguments again.
Im currently ignoring some of my friends, which is horrible cos I love them, but I jsut cant talk to them at the moment...accept my best friend...I could never stop talking to her.
Crisis team I am currently having problems with too, there are a couple of nurses that I really get on with, and they know that, and I always smile at them, but jsut recently I havnt even been able to do that, because I dont want to get into anything.
The only two people who havnt come crashing down with this, whatever this is, is my ED nurse and my best friend...But then I am incredibly attatched to my ED nurse and I got paranoid when I saw her today as I thought she was going to leave me *which shes not* but I jsut burst into tears.
I dont know whats hapening...or who to trust..who to talk to :(
Heya, I thought I'd reply as NO ONE ELSE IS?!!??! Okay, with your social worker, why don't you try and talk to her next time you see her. Talk to her about why shes annoying you. Like you said, she's upset about your situation and is probably worried and frustrated. She probably doesn't mean to be that way. This could also be true of your parents? Maybe they're just very worried. Could you talk to them? Explain that you need then etc. Talking is probably going to be the key to help people understand how your feeling so that they can help you. I don't think your losing people, they are just unsure of what to do. Talking is like THE hardest thing, but would probably be so worth it. Especially for you social worker because like you said yourself, shes someone you trust and can turn to when you need someone and thats really importnat.
I think maybe as well your ED does stop/makes it hard to communicate. Especially with friends etc. I found that I sort of ignored my friends because I was so consumed with my ED. Even now i'm slightly better, I still find i'm like that.
This is kind of a jumble and probably doesn't make sense!! Hope your okay :)
ETA: and your meeting with your social worker on friday is the perfect opportunity to try and iron things out with her. Really try be honest and sort out the issues. You will have to be patient and try stay calm so you can see things from her point of view and give yours so you can work it out between you. If things have been fine before these arguments then they can be fine again. xx
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain
I think you should change your social worker. I know you've tried before, but now people like the ED team, and some members of the crisis team have seen how your relationship with your social worker, you can get some heads up in changing the social worker. I know you probably have a long-lasting attachment with your social worker, because you've worked with each so long, but you need someone that won't put their feelings into the relationship. It will only bring you down, and it won't help you recover. If you really want to change and be able to cope better, or even recover, you need to have a professional relationship to work on your problems.
About your parents, I know it's hard to say, but I don't think they like to see you you being depressed or the way you are most the time. They would find it heart breaking to see, to see someone they love damaging their body. I know it's not your fault, but I am sure you wouldn't like your brother going through all these problems. I am sure they do worry about you, and its not good to hear that you're not getting on very well with them. I think you need to have a long chat with both of your parents, on building these relationships back. Maybe try and discuss how much you want to get better, but you need their positive mindset to help you, no matter how bad you feel.
I hope i haven't repeated myself.. and if you need me.. you know where Iam. x
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - W. Gibson.
