Adult - *triggering substance abuse* a confession

[EpicFailGirl]

i dont really know where else to put this. lol.

let me just explain two things before i tell you what i did.
1. i have a boyfriend, lets call him B for boyfriend, but we're on a break. hes autistic, and i dont think he can cope with my issues. they got worse and so hes probably gonna leave me when he gets back, especially now.
2. my ex boyfriend is bisexual, lets call him X for ex, and sometimes he dresses as a girl. it's chill, hes a cute girl XD

so i text x the other day to hang out, and he said yeah he's at his mums for a couple days so yeah

The following content has been hidden - Reason : sad and a bit triggering (sh)

when i got to his, i saw he has a black eye and a cut on his face, with stitches. apparently he was at a bar or a club or something dressed as his female alter ego when some douche felt him up, realised hes a guy, and then glassed him with a beer bottle D: then we were talking about my self harming, and i said to him stitches are pretty...

and all the while eating some brownies. not the delicious and legal kind. the delicious and bad kind.

so anyway, im stroking his face, and hes holding my wrist, and we always fancied each other more when we had issues; like... we like to be there for the messed up other, if im making sense. issues are pretty too.

and we made out on the floor, and he was on top of me. he got a boner. i could feel it. so i got on top of him. XD good times. i wont go into detail, but we didnt have sex. hes never actually had sex with a girl, he lost his virginity to a guy.

so yeah. thats my confession. i got high, hooked up with my ex, and i feel pretty good about it atm. the guilt hasnt kicked in, because the ego boost is in the way. regret will kick in tomorrow or whatever. if X didnt have a boyfriend, i would have probably have had sex with him. im such a slut when im high D: this is why i stopped before.

i just felt so low and lonely.

*hugs* well if you're on a break with your bf, i really don't see that as cheating, though he shouldn't have done that as he's in a relationship. It sounds like you know it's not good for the two of you to be together romantically just due to your issues and such. Try to really think of what you want/need when it comes to your bf. And then really choose to stick with it, as changing around can really confuse you. Maybe if you know this will happen with your ex, and you decide this isn't good, maybe make a decision not to be alone with him, stuff like that, as temptation is really difficult when you're in the middle of it. So try not to beat yourself up over it but definitely consider what it is that will be best for you and then go with that.