About the way I look.
About what my current lifestyle is doing to my body
About work (which is a big problem as I have finals in a month)
About “living”, because that doesn’t exist. There is no joy at all. Nothing.
This is so, so bleak. I can’t explain in words how I’m feeling. I have serious thoughts of suicide, because this is never going to be right. I have struggled for 7 years, and there are people on here many years older than me who are still struggling. I just cannot do it that long. I simply cannot face what my future holds.
I have to see the doctor again on Wednesday, and somehow have to tell her that for unknown reasons which I cannot even come up with myself, I haven’t taken a single one of those antidepressants.
So laugh. Call me a fucking idiot who doesn’t take her own advice. I don’t care anymore.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
I am not coping. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. I want to forget. I want to be hurt - seriously hurt, so fucking badly - so that I can have some respite. I want to face death because it's the only thing that puts life in perspective. It's the only thing that makes me feel alive. I'm scared about these thoughts and what I am thinking of doing.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Hey, I so know how you feel. Do you have anyone you could talk to about this?
I think you should try to relax, and treat yourself to something that you enjoy. Just try to take baby steps, I know how hard it is, but you can overcome this.
I think you really should try to talk to a professional or someone else about these thoughts.
I hope you're okay.
Thanks both of you, really.
It's fine Zed, I wouldn't know what to say to me either.
I missed my doctor's appointment today. Really really stupid, I didn't mean to miss it but I could not get up. I've spent most of today lying in bed. I got up and went for a hair-raising drive and nearly crashed which shook things up a bit.
I think I need to see the doctor again but since I missed my appointment I'm really worried she'll be angry with me. She said she'd refer me to the CMHT but I haven't heard anything yet. I guess that according to them I'm fine. Hah.
I'm feeling increasingly desperate.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
CHMT can take awhile, but if you go to the doctor and explain how you are feeling then they could make it more urgent. Im sure she wont be angry because it sounds like you where too depressed to get up (forgive me if im way off the mark there).
You are aware that things are getting worser, so talking to the doctor is a good step, because it sounds like you need the referel now. Is there anything you can do in the meantime to keep your mood up? as hard as it is the best thing is to try and get up and keep getting on with things.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
