Triggering (SI) - I dont know what else to do??

smurf86 · 17-04-2010, 10:36 PM

Hi
I used to come to this site about 2 years ago (before my mum died)
Ive been clear of self harm for almost 2 years. in 2007 new years eve my mum died. I was there when she died, it happened literally right in front of me and i keep having flashbacks, ithink about her all the time. Ive been with my fiance for 4 years and he doesnt understand. I feel let down by everyone, my dad drinks cos he cant cope with being without her and i feel like everyones carryin on like she never existed. Its the most awful feeling in the world. When iwas 18 iattemped suicide by overdosing and self harming. Lately, ive never felt so alone, i feel like i need to harm myself again. I dont know what else to do. No1 else understands. My fiance is trying to force me to go to a doctor but idont know how ican explain it. I break down most days, i have nitemares, i cry myself to sleep and im struggling to get out of bed in the mornings because it feels so bad. I need some support. This is my last resort. im sorry x

Shenanigans · 18-04-2010, 12:42 AM

*cuddles* I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now.
I think going to the doctors is a good idea hun, as you say you need support and your doctor will be able to do that for you. Have you had any bereavement counseling at all?
If you don't feel able to explain to the doctor how everything is perhaps you could print off this post and give it to them to help explain how you are feeling and a bit about what's going on?
Please take gentle care of yourself, you aren't alone and we are all here for you
xxxxx

Merc · 18-04-2010, 11:17 PM

So sorry for your loss. xx
Really agree that seeing your doc is a great idea. Hopefully s/he could help you get in ctc with a grief support group; ppl there would certainly understand.
Think of it this way; you can try and if you don't feel it is helping/what you want, you don't have to continue.
What is there to lose, right?
Good luck.
xxx

smurf86 · 19-04-2010, 02:50 PM

Thanks for your support
I want to see my doctor but im scared. Im really scared that i wont be able to explain properly about how im feeling. Im not very good at explaining how im feeling id rather write it down but id feel stupid printing it out. iknow it sounds like im making excuses but i dont feel strong enough, i admit ive got a problem and thats the first step ithink xx

one_step_closer · 19-04-2010, 04:05 PM

Can someone come with you to the doctor to support you? I understand how difficult it is to lose your Mum, please get in touch if you want to talk. Take care.

smurf86 · 20-04-2010, 09:53 PM

My fiance could come with me
And thanks for the support, its been so long since I came on here I feel kinda stupid and my problems seem kinda trivial to what other people are going through...i just dont know anymore...i dont trust myself and that kinda scares me :( x

smurf86 · 30-04-2010, 10:27 PM

Im scared of hurting myself again. I can't cope with the loss of my mum, icant cope with fake friends and people letting me down constantly. I cant talk to my dad, he hides it alot and i cant deal with the fact that he doesnt talk to me. He works during the day but when he comes home he drinks alot and i dont know what to do. Im scared that i dont trust myself to be alone with my thoughts. Its hard because some times Im up sometimes Im down, some times i feel like iwant to smash someones face in and sometimes I want to sit down and cry and sometimes I just want to hide. I cant deal with it it hurts :( x