extra emotional when detoxing?

[hopelessinseattle]

So I've been a pot addict for years, and years. I almost shared how long but it is embarrassing how long but let me just say nearly half my life. I haven't gone for more than a couple days or so here and there completely without, so effing messed up that is, but I am really trying to get serious now.

I've been cutting down more and and while haven't been totally without the last week or so it has been maybe 5% of my usual intake, and I have been so freaking emotional. I'm normally over emotional as it is but this is ridiculous. Maybe the pot really did help shield me before, which of course makes it all the more tempting to say, screw it, life is too hard I need my cushion, but I have been a wuss for so long relying on my drug to "get me through the day" I feel I need to prove something to myself I guess.

At the same time I am dreading each day, how I am going to make it through? Of course I will, but just barely, it seems. Last night self-harmed for the first time in awhile, and felt much calmer afterwards, and I had the fleeting thought I could do that instead of toke when I needed to. Then immediately scolded myself for thinking such crazy stuff, but the toking itself was harmful, could feel it in my throat, and keep meaning to buy vaporizer but have other priorities. (Like buying another bag, of course).

Anyhow, anyone else experience major emotional upheaval when detoxing? why is that? all these emotions we've been squashing done coming to the surface, or is it just a detox process from anything? I don't remember it being like this when I went off booze, cigarettes or dairy, years ago, maybe some moodiness, but this is almost overwhelming, how long will it last??

[Quiet]

Ech, it makes want to scream in empathy, because I know how that feels. To tell you the truth, as much as I want to tell you that there were distractions that helped me, it was mostly screaming and driving that helped the most. For me (I quit smoking, alcohol, and cocaine all on the same day. yippee!) the psychological turmoil lasted about four months, getting steadily better but really really slowly. However, and this is exactly what someone told me is what happened, I woke up one day and realized that I was okay, and that my moods had stabilized a bit more. It sucked though, and I feel your pain.
The biggest help for the mood swings and spontaneous anger/crying/self-pity/rage was actually spending some time thinking about why it was happening...without just giving up and using or cutting , which is definitely my first instinct!
Anyway, I hope you feel better soon, and can find the faith in your own strength and ability to exist happily without the dope!

xo

Q

[hopelessinseattle]

**Note: I apologize for not indicating that this thread may be triggering, I went back to add that but couldn't. My apologies

Thank you so much for your reply and kind, helpful words! I'm glad you are feeling better now, and it takes a lot of strength to give up all of those at once. Thanks for sharing, it really does help to know I am not alone in this and just uniquely nutty. Being so "elderly" too sometimes I feel like there is no hope for getting better but maybe if I can stop using the dope as a shield and be brave. Time to grow up sometime I guess. It just seems like life is so shitty as it is that without the drug it will just be unbearable...

but it doesn't have to be that way, and maybe the dope is keeping me down. sure makes me forgetful about things I don't want to forget, so if I want to have a better memory guess I have got to deal with the raw memories and reality of it all.

Today was a strange, close to the bone good and bad. Got together with an old friend I hadn't seen in a few years and had recently written to apologize to for being so bitchy and hypersensitive back then. (don't do the 12 steps but I can see how this one arose!). I didn't use all day and felt good, and clear-headed even on just a few hours sleep (so hard to sleep without dope. well with the dope too, but maybe if I confront myself more it will change).

Then started feeling melancholy after reading a thread on an unrelated board about someone conflicted about putting their dog to sleep or prolonging his suffering. That triggered a meltdown thinking about what I did to my own cat 2 years ago holding off taking her to the vet until I was ready to let her go, which I never would be, and knew I should have brought her in sooner. then ended up having to take her to the emergency vet instead of the one she was familiar and comfortable with. she let me know she couldn't take it anymore with these horrible meows, it still haunts me, and I am going to try to use that as motivation to not use.

I did reach for the pipe and had a toke but before the second time thought how unfair I made her suffer and here I am trying to ease my suffering thinking about it while berating myself, how incongruent is that? is my suffering of going through the day dope free and having to face my screw-ups and disappointments any comparison to what hell I made her endure?

So essentially I guess I am trying to see dope withdrawal as self-harm, I guess, but if that is what it takes to get me through the tough part...

[EpicFailGirl]

when i first gave up, i found that the world was a sad and scary place, and i went back to weed a few times, just to escape. so youre not alone.

in fact, the world is such a scary place that here i am, two years down the line, fallen off the wagon.

[recoveringrobin]

i too have been a pot addict for quite a few years, and i get REALLY REALLY emotional when i stop. i have been using for a good three months heavily every day and i just stopped. the last two days have been really tough for me. my emotions are all over. i have found the best thing to do is to just push through the urges. i canceled my cell phone and deleted my facebook in order to keep myself from having any way to contact ppl to get the drugs. goood luck hun.