Triggering (SI) - I need help from older members. Please.

[Belt]

I've been mostly free of self-harm for about two years now. I've had a couple of slip-ups but mostly I've been cut free. Thing is, it really hasn't got any easier. Everyday, I mean every single damn day is a struggle. I wasn't in therapy long because I felt uncomfortable and honestly, like a looser, and I didn't take medication for very long either because well, I didn't like how I felt numb and I felt like a bit of looser as well. Is it meant to be easier? I thought I'd learned how I should cope without cutting myself by myself. But maybe I haven't, especially if it's so hard not to. I've thought maybe I still help with depression. I don't know...

I just feel lost and scared because, if I'm not cutting myself shouldn't I feel better? Shouldn't I feel like I have control over myself, shouldn't I feel proud and strong? Instead I feel weak and useless. What if I feel like this forever?

Please help. I am so frightened, and honestly I want to give up.

[Belt]

Please, please, please saying anything. I don't care if it's just-poor you-life is hard. I really don't care, just say something. I literally cannot take it. I'm not going to kill myself. But my life is over if I cut myself now. Please. I have nothing left. I've run out of options. I don't want to be completely obsessed and determined about cutting myself. I don't want to be just a cutter. I don't want to be like this. please.

[Stellata]

*sits with you*

I'm not doing great myself right now, and I understand the struggle, the conflict, the pain.

The thing is, when you don't cut, you feel the feelings beneath more and that feels raw and painful and can feel unbearable. It takes time and care to bear it more safely.

[jonikd]

*hugs Robyn*

Like Katie I'm not doing greatat the moment either, but I do understand you and how hard this is. I was free of SI for 15 years, and its just reared its head over the last few months. You are not just a cutter, like I'm not, there's so much more to us and its just a coping mechanism we use under times of stress,pain etc.

Do you have someone to talk to IRL about this? Might be time to have a chat to a counsellor or similar.

2 years is an awesome achievement, you are strong and you should be very proud ok?

*hugs again*
JK

[Bitter_Angel]

Not cutting is a great start. But to be honest it is a start.
What is needed more is to increase things such as self esteem and do set goals.
Think about what you want out of life and how you can get it. Once you start this i think you attach more importance to things such as your life. And only then do i feel you can move on from feeling so down on yourself.

[ICTimer]

please delete this post