So okay. I'm really grossed out and need to just vent this out because I'm completely disgusted. I live in a house with three other people. One being my best friend. Her boyfriend also lives here. So back in October I heard them getting it on one night. And she wasn't lying when she said she was loud. I've never been so disgusted in my entire life. Everytime I would hear their voice or think about them, I literally thought I was going to be sick. I did not want to think about her like that. YUCK! I seriously couldn't look her in the eyes for like a week and I avoided her for several days. But I kept it to myself and moved on.
So last night I heard them going at it again. My room is across the hall from theirs. Like I had my tv on really loud and it still didn't block out the sound. Awkward! So finally I decided to be a total ass and I texted her and said "Get it girl!" I think I died of laughter the entire night because then it was like haha I'm not the only one who is going to feel awkward this time! So its been really awkward. I'm pretty sure she is avoiding me and I am most certainly avoiding her. And if she's mad that I said that, I really don't care because they set themselves up for that. Like I was obviously up because I was on the phone and I know that they heard me on the phone. So now i'm just like really? Like if you're gonna do it when people are home then BE QUIET! I don't want to have sex with you too! I just feel completely awkward and a little disrespected and skeeved out!
So I don't know what to do really. I can't handle the whole awkwardly talking to her about it. I wouldn't even be able to write her a letter. Like way too awkward. I also feel weird telling her like that she can't have sex in her own house. (Its her moms house but her mom doesn't live here.) But then again, I'm not paying rent to hear them having sex. It was different the first time because she didn't know I knew. This time I'm pretty sure she knows I know. But all I know is I really don't want to go to her. Because I didn't do anything wrong. Like it wasn't my fault that this is awkward. I don't know.. its all just awkward.
Last edited by consequential : 14-04-2010 at 11:18 PM.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
wow, your best friend-that would be weird. But obviously it could affect your relationship with her. My advice is to have a best friend heart to heart...it's going to be awkward, but a 15 minute super awkward conversation about possible solutions that help tension/daily awkwardness would be worth it. Good luck! :)
You have to remember that those scars are not who you are - they don't define you as a person. They're just..marks. Footprints from a different time...a different life. ~In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God. (Ps 62.7)~
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Bit harsh realtimelife, its obviously and issue for the OP. I can understand where you are comming from can be annoying as hell when your trying to sleep or study and do stuff and people should have some respect and privicy for other people.
What does your other flatmate think? At the end of the day you really need to get the akwardness out the way and talk about it because its the only way its going to get solved.
Last edited by Bleeding Angel : 14-04-2010 at 01:25 PM.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
hey i totally get where you're coming from... but i also have to say i'm *particularly* loud in bed.... and many people don't realise that it is VERY difficult to not be loud when you're natural inclination is to be loud!
BUT my friends have spoken to me about it and i've attempted everything i can to cut out the noise - do it at times when people are out or asleep, shut all doors and windows... etc etc etc
Maybe you should just sit down and have a proper talk to her?
As a little kid you believed in fairytales,
that fantasy of what your life would be: white dress; prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.
You closed your eyes and had complete and utter faith.
Eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.
But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairytale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith,
that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
I would just leave it for a while, wait til the awkwardness passes? If it's taking too long to pass, I would text her saying "Sorry if you're annoyed, I was just uncomfortable. Friends?" and if she does it again then I really do think you should talk to her - even just ask her to do it when you aren't in. Could you not make a joke out of it? I find that makes me less awkward, to just have a go in a light-hearted fashion that still lets them know it bothers you without it being too awkward.
It'll be fine if she's your best friend :)
Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings,
About fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings,
And the aching amplitudes that set our needles all a-flickering,
And help us with remembering that the only thing that's left to do is live.
Chances are she might have got the message from the text and she is feeling embarrassed now, hence her avoiding you. But as others have said if she does it again you probably will need to speak to her, after all it's your home too! If you can try sunlitnights idea of making it a lighthearted chat, so you can get your message across without it being too cringe-worthy.
Play the game out
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Dad 10/11/2008 Always our sunshine, I'm still playing for the town hall clock
Thanks for your advice everyone! I understand that its hard for some people to be quiet but I just felt disrespected about it because I was obviously awake. I guess I'm just going to see how it goes. It still gives me the creeps but its slowly becoming less awkward.
yeah she really should try to quiet that down. i mean i'm pretty loud too but at least with me i can control it if i have to. it is hard, but she should either do it when you're not home or try to be at least a little quiet. a tv should definitely drown it out imo if its at all reasonable. may be just if she does it again, say "hey, it's kinda awkward hearing that, could you maybe make it so i can't hear or try to make it so i'm not home?", something like that.
I had the same problem the last place I lived its not so bad that the people are having sex its that they are screaming and making ridiculous noises and its like DO U THINK I CANT HEAR U! like STFU! ohh trust I know how you feel... and its awkward like what can you say .. please have quiet sex thank you! such an awkward situation! Id say best thing to do is just deal with it... put on an ipod loud.. BLAST ur tv to make it obvious that u are frustrated... but I wouldnt confront it head on its not worth losing a friend or stressing yourself out over ...best of luck :)
While people have said you pay not to hear stuff like that, she also pays rent to not feel awkward about who she's with in her own home, the last time she did this was in October you said? Its not very often, and I can understand that it bothers you, but she's hardly screaming the place down every night, and Im sure you do some stuff that bothers her too.
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah beware. I have been generous up till now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything you have wanted I have done. You asked the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
My boyfriend has a lodger, I'm usually loud too, but when I know he's in I really do tone it down, maybe she didn't realize the first time, but if she knew the 2nd time then maybe she needed the gentle push you gave her.
If you're paying rent then you do have some sort of say, my bf's lodger has said once "I thought you were a little busy" but he's a guy, and he thought it was funny, I still felt a little put out though that I'd been a little noisy so now I really do keep it in check.
I'm thinking your text to her was a good thing, but you need to broach the subject now, you've laid the foundations for a good talk, just say "I'm really sorry about the text, I know it was a little in your face, but you were so loud I couldn't concentrate, and I really didn't know how to tell you as I was embaressed" Make light of the situation, I had a laugh about it with the bf's lodger and after that I learnt to tone it down!
I hope its not still a massive issue kitten, but I really do think that you could tell her, as you've got the confidence to laugh about the situation. Keep your chin up! x
Its not so awkward now. It's just the fact of the matter was like they knew that I was awake and they know that I have insomnia. I just felt like saying "Really?!"
The bad news is that I don't really think she got what I meant from the text. She probably didn't read it till the next morning. And she probably thought that I accidentally sent that to her as I do that alot with my phone. So I'm a little bummed that she didn't get it. Or maybe she did and she's just acting like she didn't understand it to make it less awkward. I can tell that she's being distant but also she's been really sick so she's always distant when she is sick. So I don't really know.
My other housemate said new time play porn realllyyyyyy loud. And then my friend said to bang my bed post against the wall and moan. haha. Just thought I would share that because that was really funny.
I think if I do here it again I'm going to bluntly text her and say something like "Umm our walls aren't sound proof!" or "Um I really don't want to have sex with you guys! Thanks!"
I'm at uni in halls, the people on my floor are all my best friends and all of us are in couples ... as you can imagine there is a lot of 'sex noise banter' as we put it. The walls are so thin I can hear people sneezing next door, let alone having sex... But we all joke about it as there isn't one of us who hasn't had to listen to other people, or get told people were listening! I mean people only found out I was sleeping with the guy I'm seeing because they heard us... Basically my point is that although its potentially awkward you can try and turn it into a joke, bang on their wall if they're keeping you up or try and laugh about it with your friend the next morning. Trying to keep the noise down isn't the thing going through your mind whilst you're at it, but just let her know properly it bothers you and she should try to be more considerate.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know, right now you can't tell. But stay a while and maybe then you'll see A different side of me Unwell - Matchbox 20
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George Pacaud (1879 - 1937)
That's inconsiderate of her.....I mean, jesus, if you have roommates show some respect! When I was a freshman in college in the dorms, my roommate got it on with this guy in our room while I was supposed to be sleeping....Erm, listening to Opeth on my headphones didn't help...Needless to say, I was pissed and didn't really talk to her much the next day. It blew over, and we joke about it now, but.....Yeah.
Anyways, I was also going to suggest making a joke of it...That, or just be really blunt. In the end, it shouldn't be an issue if you two are truely friends. You know?
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
