|
Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - I called her...
I just... wrote this... For my girlfriend... We... haven't even been dating a week... How do I tell her this stuff? I am pouring my everything into this relationship. She is already my everything. She is my everything.
I called her my Dove....
How.. Do I put this..? I was going to write something with my character who started this "dove" thing... But I can't.. Write right now... T_T
My mommah is a English Major. Literature and Writing are my favorite subjects in school and always have been. I love words. Syntax and grammar. I try my best to chose my character's and my own words very carefully.
If you have never heard me say this before, let me say it now. I don't have much to give. But I can give you my word. All I am worth are my own words. I don't say things to make people feel better, and I rarely tell people what they want to hear. Words are very important to me.
I have.. A good fifty or so original characters all waiting to be written for and published... My favorite character that I have ever made, Is Kenji Raiden. He's my baby. I love him. He's very important to me.
Again, I'm not sure if I'm making sense... But for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea for him to use "Dove" as a pet name. He's a very different person. I wanted his syntax to be unique. He's a very passionate person. And I'd be damned if his pet names and romantic musings were just like everyone else's. Thus, Dove came about.
He is the only one of my characters to ever say this/use this word. It's sacred in my vocabulary.
Something else you should know about me? I used to be a bit of a whore. I was in a long distance 'relationship' with a girl, we broke up and two days later I was with one girl for almost two years after. One and a half of those years was a relationship based entirely upon sex. I was used everyday for this. I soon after began dating another girl. We broke up after a week or so and almost the next day I was back with /her/. After we finally separated once and for all, I began dating a boy again. He broke up with me because I would /not/ sleep with him. A week later, I dated another girl. We dated for about four or five months. We broke up and two days later I started dating someone else....
No, I am not proud of this. It has taken a long time, but I want to think that I have rebuilt myself and have become a better person. I can honestly say that I have never physically loved a person. For the only sexual experiences I have ever had have been abusive, forced, or based entirely on Lust and nothing more. Maybe all of those people were rebounds off of the same relationship. I believe that might be why I insisted I was a Seme for so long. When you are the dominant one, when you are calling all the shots. You cannot get hurt. And you cannot be taken advantage of.
I poured my everything into that girl. I almost lost my home and my family for her. Gave her my everything. Only to have it broken in front of me, and the pieces shot back in my face.
Yes, I told her I loved her. I've told everyone I loved them. Love... is a word that I throw around everyday to people that I hardly know...
I've never just laid in bed before in someone's arms. I've never just laid close to someone and slept. I've never given in to someone, and admitted my lack of dominance. I’ve never understood what it means to not have to say anything with someone. Until now.
I have never cried in someone’s arms before. I’ve only ever introduced Alison to my sister, after eight years of trust.
Every night, I am afraid that I will wake up and realize that this is all just a dream. I’ve never been in a relationship that has literally felt: ‘too good to be true.’ I have never felt happier or safer with anyone in my entire life.
I’ve never used the word “Dove” on my own before. I always swore that I would save it for that special person. To only use on that one person. That special word that I have been saving...
I don’t know why... But it slipped out when I was talking with you. I felt like, the context of my words needed a term of endearment. And the only word in my vocabulary that I thought was appropriate to use...
...I called you my Dove...
|
