OK. Things were going well, but 2 months ago the usual signs of depression began to return. And now they're here again. Welcome back depression! Wipe your feet on the way in...
Well anyway. I've been fairly suicidal and so therefore have decided to go to inpatient. I will be phoning up CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) tommorrow as they are closed over the weekend. I only told my mum today that I will be doing this and she wasn't very surprised and seems to agree with the decision.
I have no motivation. I'm disgusting: I haven't washed for weeks. The only bathing I've done is in misery. I tried to force myself the other day to get a shower but I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. This is the main reason my mum wasn't that surprised: as for the first time in my 7 year obsession I don't feel like doing anything at all IT wise (Information Techology).
Suicide plans. I have one that I keep thinking about very in depth. Obviously I'm not going to put any details in here because of the mental stability of others. But it involves three main "ingredients". There are some little details I need to iron out - such as how I get to where I'm going, but otherwise it is very well thought out.
Hopefully they'll let me go in. Well I am almost certain they will...or god help me. One more night and tommorrow I finally can start to get something arranged. I'm not going to make myself go to A&E (accident and emergency) as I don't want to go to a general hospital...I want to go to a mental hospital like last time.
Sorry for the long post. Just needed to vent.
I'm never going to escape from the darkness. Even family can't turn me away from suicide.
Last edited by In_The_Darkness : 13-04-2010 at 09:41 AM.
I want to go inpatient too, I'm glad you're getting the help you need and hopefully you'll get in. I'm not sure if I'm going to get in, my therapist says no way but the crisis worker said that there was a possibility of me going inpatient (at least in the day time). I know it's hard to look past the depression, but there is hope if you get help.
I've been inpatient before and it really helped me i hope it helps you hunny.
im only a pm away if you wanna chat.
xxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
I been inpatient.. I must admit, i hated it, and i couldn't wait to get out of there.. I was taken there when i was really drunk by the ambulance crew, so it wasn't till the next day i realised where i was that i spent most of the time running away..
I really hope they listen & are responsive, but if they are not, please do not give up. Sometimes we have to wait a bit for the help we are wanting but please don't give up if you don't get to go inpatient straight away. However, I hope that you do and I also hope your mother is supportive of your decision.
Are you getting any treatment currently for your depression, such as medication or seeing a psychologist?
If you don't go inpatient and you still feel unsafe, post back here. I encourage that in that instance you should go to a&e as it might help you get transferred into a psychiatric ward to get the care you need.
How are you doing now?
Don't give up, you can get through this & we're here for you.
All the best,
Aimee x
UPDATE: Basically my therapist told me that hospital is only a short term solution...and that you come out feeling exactly the same - and that it resolves nothing. I disagree with this, last time I came out feeling 80x better (seriously, that isn't an exaggeration).
Anyway. At 9 I called CAMHS, at 9:45 I got called back and I spoke to the therapist. She said she is going to get me an appointment at CAMHS with a doctor.
UPDATE 2: CAMHS calls at 10:10, I have an appointment at CAMHS with Dr Chouldry at 11:30. Queue the agonising chats between myself, my mother and the doctor. :S
How did it go? I hope they're letting you in, it sounds like you really need it at the moment. *hugs* At least you realise that things can get better, that's a start.
After a lot of shouting, swearing and walking out twice...they have decided to let me go in. They're coming over tommorrow morning to fill out the admission form. Though I have a very strong urge to cut. I've given most of my blades to mum on the psychiatrist's orders. They wanted to give me this new medication instead of letting me go hospital and I ripped up the prescription. I don't want more meds !!!
Love me, I'm a freak!
