Morning, i'm going to keep this as short as I possibly can.
I have Aspergers syndrome, a mild form of autism. I can mentally function "normally" like most people in theory. However, whenever it comes to socialising, I freeze up. Not as in before I talk to people, it's when I actually am talking to people it happens, in a sort of "Oh ****, now what do I say without ****ing this up?"
And well, I have ****ed it up alot before by just going along with it anyway or being too blunt for my own good.
Anyway, it's seriously affected not only my ability to socalise properly, but my confidence to be able to do so. Now, I find myself actually staying inside or doing everything on my own so I dont **** it up, and well it's seriously getting to me. I find myself feeling well... angry. Knowing this is mostly my fault.
What I want to know is, how do/did/would you try to sort it out for yourself? I'd prefer to avoid getting any help as I don't find any mental health services useful, having been through it before.
How do people react with you with you, when you feel something goes wrong in these social situations?
I don't have austism, but I hope you find the answers you're looking for. Certainly I don't think you need to be blaming yourself for what is going on, it's not something you have control over or need to be taking blame for. xx
It's an awkward silence most of the time, then they go away, so I tend to think "Not again", then go home. I really dont feel like people can know about me having Autism, as there's still alot of prejudice over here about mental illness of any sort.
Hmm, well I've found that with my friends who have Aspergers, they are best at talking about subjects they are interested in. Perhaps find someone with a similar interest to talk with to get you started? Sorry, I'm not great with typing on nearly no sleep in 36 hours.
Last edited by Greyscale : 08-04-2010 at 11:57 AM.
Reason: added word
But people are generally not as angry towards you as you are yourself? I know that it must still be really affecting your confidence, but until anyone has some sort of practical advice, try to be a bit gentle with yourself, cut yourself some slack, you know? This isn't your fault at all.
Sorry I don't have any actual advice, mindyou!
But don't give up :)
xxxx
Hmm, well I've found that with my friends who have Aspergers, they are best at talking about subjects they are interested in. Perhaps find someone with a similar interest to talk with to get you started? Sorry, I'm not great with typing on nearly no sleep in 36 hours.
Been there & done that, it gets quite boring very quickly though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimee in Wonderland
But people are generally not as angry towards you as you are yourself? I know that it must still be really affecting your confidence, but until anyone has some sort of practical advice, try to be a bit gentle with yourself, cut yourself some slack, you know? This isn't your fault at all.
Sorry I don't have any actual advice, mindyou!
But don't give up :)
xxxx
They're left confused, and thinking "What a weirdo" alot of the time.
Ok, I'm not in exactly the same situation but I can completely 100% relate to the freezing when you're talking to someone. For me it's like my mind goes completely blank and I forget how to physically speak, and like you say, it's not good for confidence - the thought of talking makes it even worse in some ways, and then it's easier to avoid the situation.
Are there any situations you're slightly more comfortable with that you could sort of 'practise' with? Like, I really struggle with eye contact so I sort of force myself to look up even if it's just for a second. It feels really awkward and fake at first, but eventually it becomes sort of habit.
Or is there anyone you could sort of 'role play' situations with? I don't know if that would help - I know being in a real situation is a lot different to 'role play' situations - but so that you could sort of practise it a bit in a situation you're more comfortable with?
Sorry this advice is a bit rubbish. Don't be so hard on yourself though. :)
Have you thought about having cue cards? If you are stuck you can use one of them. A lot of socialising just comes down to practise. You may find it useful to access a befriending service. They could support you in going to different places and meeting new people. Then if you started to struggle they could take over for a bit and then you would also see what sort of strategies work. You could also contact the National Autistic Society and look at support groups in your area. (ASD isn't a mental illness and a lot more people are aware of it)
^ I'm waiting for a reply from the NAS about it, I got in touch with them via e-mail a couple of weeks ago, so should have something from them hopefully in the next week or so. Not thought about cue-cards before, could be worth a go, although carrying cards everywhere... I should be going out on tuesday, so I might try it then.
I guess I would ask: What do you usually find yourself talking about with people? What is it that seems to make them lose interest?
I'll say that I don't think notecards are a great idea because if you become accustomed to using them you might find it harder to interact when you don't have them, which is likely to happen sometimes. Also I guess I'm concerned that it makes interaction seem like a test, which I think is counterproductive both in that it implies there are well-defined "correct answers" (which I don't think is really the case when it comes to hanging out) and that it might reinforce any anxiety you have about coming across in a certain way.
But I don't want to discourage you if you honestly think they'll be helpful.
Yeah, the idea of finding someone with "similar interests" sounds good at the outset but when someone says "I'm interested in x", their statement might actually represent any of a great variety of things. How deeply they're interested, how knowledgeable or committed to x they actually are, what x is for them, etc. are all variables.
I'd say it's more important just to find people you enjoy talking to and with whom you feel like your interaction is worthwhile and more than superficial.
I don't think Austism Spectrum Disorders are actually classified as "mental illnesses", but rather as "developmental deficits". Of course the distinction is arbitrary to some degree.
Obviously there are stereotypes associated with ASD but personally, I would rather that someone tell me they'd been diagnosed with it than not. If they tell me, then I'm able to interpret their behavior in the context of the fact that they have challenges doing things that most people don't.
So then I'd be less likely to misinterpret how they're acting as merely a sign that they're not interested in me or that they're just full of themselves. And I'd make more of an effort to communicate in ways that they would not be prone to misconstrue, if they told me they had trouble with certain modes of communication.
I don't have an Autism Spectrum Disorder but I have enough in common that it was considered in the process of differential diagnosis. I felt pretty isolated through most of high school but haven't experienced the sort of anxiety you seem to be describing.
Last edited by Navas : 09-04-2010 at 05:34 AM.
Reason: Added info re: notecards
I have two friends who have this also.One I know in person ,the other online.
The friend I have met is highly intelligent as most ppl who have aspergers are.he is very easy to talk to and I found I had a lot in common with him and loved talking to him.I know everyone is different but you should count yourself as lucky to some degree .You will prob be very motivated and do well in life.
As with socialising ,if the people you surround yourself with are any way decent they will accept you.Most anyway when they are having a few drinks dont take much notice of what is being said .They will just nod and that.I dont know if I have been any help but I hope I have made you feel better .
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Cue cards can just be things like if you can't think of something then some question starters. They can work by just having a copy in your pocket, so you have the confidence. With younger children you use social stories to keep going over what they need to focus on. If you google social stories, you'll see what I mean. Cue cards are the same idea, but for older people.
I have HFA (a bit more severe then Aspergers, but I'm really high functioning) and sometimes get myself into sticky situations, especially online. If I say something that's not right, but I don't know that, some people just assume that I'm a troll :/ I'll even ask and sometimes people just think I'm being annoying when really I'm just clueless as to what I did wrong.
I joined WrongPlanet.net, which was a really good way to be able to vent to others about my problems and know that there are others (somewhat) like me. Maybe you should try it or another Aspergers website out (though I don't know any others, sorry)
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
