Triggering (SI) - need forgiveness.. triggering.. lost pregancy

[SallyMay]

This is kinda long... sorry but I need someone to help me feel right again...

I was dating this guy for 2 months... we broke up for a week and we got back together... just for me to tell him hey im pregnant...

He didnt take the news well at first making it clear he wasnt ready for that and how his family will kill him... so I told him id abort it..

I did... and told him i cant hang with with that week cus seeing and hearing him killed me a lil more each time...

soon after he broke up with me... aborted it Tuesday... Wednesday he left me...

I feel so wrong... so evil... so tainted... so... just not right ever since i aborted the lil thing inside of me... dosnt help i dont have him to hold me and say were alright well be forgiven for this and all of that... I need him to hold me say it ok...

I dont know how to cope... I murdered something ive wanted since i was old enough to have one... after trying for a year with my ex before him and trying for my ex finance and failing and miscarried... I swore never to do this.. that it was never an option...

here i am dieing on the insides... with a happy face for all to see... I have no one to turn to... the people i would ... would get so upset with me... alrhough i am very upset with myself...

I dont deserve to be breathing or living... im a horriable person... i thought this would feel the same as a miscarriage... how can i do something so stupid...

[jonikd]

Hugs to you Sally, I haven't been through this myself , but want you to know that I feel for you and I don't judge you.

A close friend of mine [now in her 40's] had similar circmstances many years ago, and while she remembers and has to live with her decision,she accepts that she made that decision at the time because of what was going on for her and can't keep going back over it. She has dealt with the grief, but not taken onboard the guilt.

Can you talk to someone? I really think you need some support to work through the grieving process.

My friend has 2 beautiful teenage boys and is the most together person I know, so don't beat yourself up OK? There can and will be 'happily ever after' after this.

hugs

*hugs* I don't think you should beat yourself up. You did what you felt had to be done. And imo abortion is not the same as murder. Don't let people condemn you who have no idea what you were going through. Whether it was right or wrong really doesn't have to matter now, it happened, you have decided you don't want to do that again, let yourself move on. I'm so sorry your ex was such a jerk and broke up with you after asking you to get an abortion. Do you have any other support, family, friends, professionals, etc.?

[SallyMay]

there really is no one there... my friend now bailed on me... while the ex is always saying sorry he made a huge mistake breaking up with me... he is completly over it already... like it never happened... he wants me back...

my friend who was there when i took the pill and was supportive now dosnt want anything to do with me...

I feeel alone and i just want it to go away

[jonikd]

*hugs* we're here hun,and your friend will be too. Just give it all some time and be gentle with yourself. You need to get some support, can you talk to your GP or simlar? Don't do this on your own.

You will get through this, you need to believe us.
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