I had mentioned a few days ago, that I went so far as to buy a *tool* for self-harm, but haven't used it yet. (Which is a good thing.) Some people suggested getting rid of it if I could, but I don't think I can. I can't let it go. In fact, it almost induces full panic to even think about throwing it away. It's like a security blanket. I need to know it's there. I need to know I have it if I need it. Is that silly?
Mental illness is no different than any other disease. Just as the diabetic did not ask for diabetes, or the leukemic did not ask for cancer; we did not ask for this disease. But we must fight it just as we would fight any other medical diagnosis and accept that it is not our fault that we fell ill. We, too, can survive.
I can understand why you dont want to get rid of it.
How about putting in a safe place? Somewhere not immediately accessible (that way if you get an impulse to use it, finding it will take time and you might change your mind). You could put it in the bottom of a box, and fill the box with things to distract you. Like a DVD, CD, inspirational quotes or letters to yourself, photographs, goals you want to achieve. Really positive stuff. If you go through all of that perhaps when you reach the tool at the bottom, you wont want to use it anymore.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
i don't think it's silly. however, i find that when i do have a tool for comfort, i almost always use it. maybe that's because when i feel the need to have one, it's because i'm worse, or maybe if i didn't have the tool to hand i'd get through without it, i'm not sure. but no, i don't think it's silly.
My RYL family:
I-used-to-be-positive is my big sister razorxkissedxwrists is my mommy alyssa.star is my sister phoenixflames_forever is my cousin concreteangel, helpmydeath, xxbeckyxx and queer fringe are my little sisters bob--says--hi is my twin
How about putting in a safe place? Somewhere not immediately accessible (that way if you get an impulse to use it, finding it will take time and you might change your mind). You could put it in the bottom of a box, and fill the box with things to distract you. Like a DVD, CD, inspirational quotes or letters to yourself, photographs, goals you want to achieve. Really positive stuff. If you go through all of that perhaps when you reach the tool at the bottom, you wont want to use it anymore.
That's a really great idea. Thank you so much. I definitely wouldn't have thought of something like that but it's very helpful and positive. Hugs.
Mental illness is no different than any other disease. Just as the diabetic did not ask for diabetes, or the leukemic did not ask for cancer; we did not ask for this disease. But we must fight it just as we would fight any other medical diagnosis and accept that it is not our fault that we fell ill. We, too, can survive.
i dont think its silly, i a exsactly the same where i feel i need something with me or have a plan all the time as something to fall back on encase things get too hard, it makes me feel safe and more at ease. my psychologist didnt really understand the concept of something that causes me harm making me feel safe though. what i did though was manage to give up my blades for a week and then after that if i wanted it back i got it back again but i didnt want them back again once i had got rid of them i learnt that i could cope without the safety net! saying that though i still do constantly have a plan of how i could kill myself, but im trying to learn to not do that too!
Not at all silly sweetie. I always have mine even when i havent used it in ages and i also get panic[y] when i think about getting rid of it.
The suggestion above is brilliant. I also knew someone who put theirs in a small box and then in lots of bag with hard knots and then wrapped loads of tape round it and hid it somewhere. That way if ur desperate it will take a while to get to it and by the time u do, the urges might have passed
I can absolutely relate to this. One of my friends kept insisting I throw all my tools away so I had to go as far as to lie that I had just to keep her off my back :O
x
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
It's not silly at all - when you've used something as a coping strategy for any length of time, it can be scary to think that that strategy isn't there anymore.
I feel like that. I always have to have a tool with me and even when I stopped for two years I couldn't throw the last tool away. Somehow knowing that I could cut made it easier not to - it was my choice not to use the tool rather than it being something I couldn't do.
Needing a tool for comfort makes total sense to me.
Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future
that year by year recedes before us.
It eluded us then, but that's no matter - tomorrow we
will run faster, stretch out our arms further...
And one fine morning - So we beat on, boats against the current,
borne back ceaselessly into the past.
not silly at all, my tools are kept in my bra so noone will ever find them and take them off me. i cant get rid of them
You called me an angel, there must be a twist,
Have you ever seen an angel with scars on her wrist?
And blood trickling down from a gash on her arm,
Have you ever seen an angel self harm?-Unknown
hunny its not silly at all.
i am the same way and have been for a long time!
xxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
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