Parenting clash!

[Awakening] · 09-03-2010, 12:04 PM

A text from my ex reads...

"I really do feel strongly that Ethan only refers to his actual family as nana, grandma, grandad, mum etc. Im not going to get him to call anyone I get with's family grandma and I'd appreciate if you'd do the same."

I'm in a new relationship, my son calls my partner auntie, as he called her before and as his calls all our friends. Ethan also calls my partners brother uncle and her mother nanny.

I love Ethans family being large, he now has more aunties, another grandmother and basically more people to love and support him as he grows.

He's almost three. I see absolutely no problem in him calling people who aren't family members family terms. I think it encourages respect.

ANYWHO.... What are your thoughts? can anyone see where he's coming from? anyone agree with me?

Rhuben · 09-03-2010, 06:15 PM

My grandparents always got me to refer to their neighbours/close friends as auntie and uncle. And I see no problem with that. When you're a child it feels strange talking to adults on a first name basis (personal opinion) thus I'd always refer to them as Aunt Bettie/Aunt Val (still do actually and now i'm 22 lol).

If your kid is used to calling people aunt/uncle/gran/grandad/etc then there is no need to change that and it'd just end up confusing and upsetting them as to why they were no longer allowed to call so & so auntie.

inblack · 09-03-2010, 09:34 PM

I have several "aunties" and "uncles" who are not my real aunt or uncle. I was always aware that they are not directly related to me but were a very close family friend.

charcoal feathers · 09-03-2010, 09:52 PM

I think aunt and uncle is fine, as i grew up calling people who really were just close family friends as aunts and uncles, but i think Nans and Gramps is a whole different matter and shouldn't be used for new partners parents etc. But that's just my opinion on it.

Lou Lou · 09-03-2010, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charcoal feathers

but i think Nans and Gramps is a whole different matter and shouldn't be used for new partners parents etc. But that's just my opinion on it.

This. I think there are other "pet" names children can use for non-related family members. My son calls his step-grandad (paternal side) "dan dan" and his step-grandma (my side) by her real name.

I think Auntie/Uncle is ok because they are the sort of names used for family friends etc.

Although on a personal note...I think I would be cross if my ex let our son call his new partner anything other than her real name, same goes for any of her family. But I wouldn't have a problem letting my son refer to MY partners family by Nan/Grandad etc. Major double standards, I know

HopeRises · 10-03-2010, 12:30 AM

I used to call family friends "aunt and uncle" I still call the guy in the curry shop "uncle" haha and i'm 23. I don't say it to his face but if I was speaking about him to my parents or something I'd say "Uncle ... etc etc"

I think the whole calling family friends Aunts&uncles are alright..I'm refered to as 'Auntie Leigh' by many of my friends little ones.
But the whole 'Grandad' 'Grandma' thing I can see his point. If you break up or something and you stop talking/seeing your partners family you child will be upset and probably won't understand.

If you'd been with your partner a long while then yes I can understand why you might want to do that..because they would be like a real 'nana' and 'grandad'. My Grandad died when I was a baby and I didn't have maternal grandparents..they died before I was born so when my Nan met someone else I called him 'Uncle' but my cousins (who are what 10 and 13 years younger than me) called him "grandad" or "popa" cause like by that time he was going to stay in my nans life and he did..I think thats ok cause they didn't know any different.

But being as your childs Grandparents are still alive I think they shouldn't call other people "grandad" and "grandma" maybe give them "auntie" and "uncle" aswell? That might be a good compromise?

[Awakening] · 10-03-2010, 08:54 AM

thanks for all the replies, i really appreciate it and value your opinions.

I guess because my mum is Grandma, and his mum is Nana, i thought that Nanny + name is more informal.

I think i can see his side a bit more now, but he's very rigid, in that if i marry my partner he still wouldnt want our son calling any of her family nanny or anything other than uncle or auntie, which i struggle with as i'd defo see them as family then.

For now, we're going to change it to auntie, i think i may explain to him that daddy doesn't like him calling her nanny so we're going to call her auntie (nicely, not slating daddy, but explain because he's at the 'why?' stage). Just be relaxed with it and see how it goes.

ladyvenator · 18-03-2010, 03:21 PM

My great-grandmother was called Gommie by everyone, adults included. She was the neighborhood "grandma" and all the kids and adults loved her. Some people do not mind this and even perfer it. Just between my family (including step parents) and my husbands we have a different name for each granparent, so I'de just go with it and maybe ask what the honorary grandparents prefered and see if a compromise that everyone could live with could be reched.

Sigma · 24-03-2010, 09:34 AM

For me, auntie X & uncle Y are just affectionate terms of respect for someone older... and granny X or grandpa Y for someone even older, keeping just granny & grandpa for the actual relatives. But everyone sees it differently :)

3nicky1 · 24-03-2010, 10:09 PM

I wouldnt have a problem with it, personally I've always called my mum and dads partners and families by their first names but thats just my preference and they are very much family as much as my biological family. I quite like the idea of affectionate family terms but we arent really like that as a family.

Your partners feelings about this may be more about worry he's going to be forgotten etc not saying that you would be excluding anyone but people react odly to separations etc especially with kids involved.