Triggering (SI/ED) - Dunno what to do anymore...

PoisonedApple · 04-03-2010, 11:10 PM

I can't sleep worth a damn anymore... I get to sleep between midnight and 1 and start a series of waking and sleeping from around 2-230 and on average wake up 6 time a night (for no apparent reason) before my alarm goes off at 630 am...
I'm practically only awake enough to work because I get coffee from the shop next door before work in the mornings that I can barely drag myself there... I know that the sleep disruption isn't because of too much caffeine because of the fact I hardly drink any unless I need to... Of this week I had 2 coffees and 2 hot chocolates in the mornings (alternating days) and the days were fairly the same.
I feel disconnected from myself about half the time and the rest of the time I feel like I'm going to just break down.
I've been keeping my thoughts mostly in check... ie even when I feel like not eating or like I need to harm I ignore it and keep on about my day.
But then I was "okay" for about 4 years before I started plummeting back to where I am now... 4 years of not being plagued by SI or an ED. It's not that those voices weren't there but they were quieter and I could ignore them or drown them out with other things and now everything else gets drown out most of the time.
And now that I need some kind of coping mechanism... I'm at a loss. I quit smoking so no stress relief there... I don't drink much out of a fear of becoming an alcoholic like my father's side of the family is so prone to being. My creativity for the most part is dried up and drought like. I refuse to cut (for a few reasons... a promise I made and fear I'll go to far and die, alongside my husband finding out about it being the main ones right now). ..

I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning on dry land.

I'm sorry... I know that's a lot of different crap to have sat and read through... I just had to say something...

~Grace~ · 05-03-2010, 03:26 PM

Have you thought about going to the doctors to see if they could prescribe you something to help you sleep? xx

crazykat · 05-03-2010, 03:44 PM

I agree with the above poster, if it's disrupting your life this much then you should make an appointment with your doctor. Take care
Kat xxx

elephant poo · 06-03-2010, 04:56 AM

I have just spotted your post and had to reply - even though it meant becoming a member of RYL at 3 in the morning! When i read what you had written, I had to look around for hidden cameras, that convinced was I that somone was writing about me (apart from the coffee part, yuck!)

I am sorry you are having such trouble lately. Being in the same boat as you, I don't have any advice for you.... but i thought it might make you feel a bit better to know that by writting your post, you have made somone who is as close to harming as they have been in 4 years feel slightly less alone, slightly more sane, and slightly less likely to make any rash decisions.... and I hope that is enough to make you stop and smile

Pierrot · 06-03-2010, 07:44 AM

I just wanted to say first that it sounds like you've actually come a long way; four years is excellent.

*Ahem* ;)

Insomnia is insidious, and as debilitating as any chronic illness. I don't really have anything to add beyond what the others have said, but I've been there, and I empathize. *hugs* It's a bad thing to have to get adjusted to dealing with; I hope you have access to some sort of support or help.

PoisonedApple · 06-03-2010, 08:07 AM

Rowie(?) and Kat~ Still working on getting a doctor... so an rx is out atm...
Kristy ~ 5 yrs recovered for me... Why just now joining? Not that I should be talking I was quite the lurker myself :) It does make me feel a wee bit better though... Glad I could help in a small way... As awful at talking I usually am, I'm a great listener if ya need one :)
Gabriel~ At least its Friday now... I'm finding that a glass of wine before bed helps me only wake up once or twice in the night....

Pierrot · 06-03-2010, 08:18 AM

Have you tried any kind of over the counter sleep medicine, or anything like that? To be honest I never got much relief from them, but others swear by them.

Hokey as I suppose it sounds, I did get some help out of relaxation therapy, especially meditation. I'd be lying if I said I never got any help out of a drink before bed, though. :)