giving therapist/ psychiatrist something to read...

[Doesnt_matter]

Hi everybody,
yesterday I gave my therapist some texts that I wrote during the last four years about my life.
Moreover, I went to the practice of my psychiatrist and gave the receptionist my text with a little letter for my doctor and I hope that he will read my texts, too.
Yesterday, I went to a copyshop and there they ligated my texts, so I could give my therapist, my psychiatrist and some good friends kind of books.
It felt great to hold a box full of "books" in my hands but now I start to get nervous because next week I will see my therapist and my psychiatrist again and I guess that they will have read my texts then.
They will know then my darkest thoughts and some of my experiences that I can hardly speak about.

Will they think then that I am totally crazy? What are the consequences?
Will they think that I am a bad person because I have bad thoughts sometimes?
Will they and my friends stop liking me? (I have severe trust issues and it is almost impossible to believe that someone could like my at all though.)

Moreover, I told my mother that I have a kind of my own book now and she is very curious and would like to read it, too.
But there are sooo many things she haven´t known yet and I must confess that I wrote a lot of things about my childhood and some not so nice things about my parents.
But it could be a chance for us because then there wouldn´t be so many things that stood unspoken between my parents and me.

But first of all, I am nervous and frightend because next week I will see my therapist and my psychiatrist again and I fear their reactions.

I hope that some of you did a similar thing.
How did your therapist react? Were you afraid like me because of their reactions?

Thank you, take care,
Judith

[Sarika]

I did that, it was scary - incredibly so. I knew that I couldn't bare to say things aloud, and that these things needed to be known. I gave various journal entries, and a big long letter. I was terrified that I would be rejected or labeled "crazy". I was scared what people would start saying about me, if they would go behind my back. It turned out alright, I gave my therapist them in person so it was abit different. She read them over and in a week I felt we connected much better. The only troubling question was that they had to ask if I was considering suicide, because I had this big long letter explaining my life. I wasn't, but that's really the only question that made me uncomfortable. Other than that, when certain things come up in my life, we can better pin-point why they're happening. Like finding triggers for my anxiety.

Best of luck, don't stress over it too much.

[Amadeus]

Wow, I wish I could write down everything I'm thinking. I'm way impressed with you, it must have a taken a crap load of courage to write down everything that you did.

Your docs won't think you're crazy, in fact, letting them read everything you wrote is an important step in recovery. It shows that you can face yourself, even the parts that you don't really want to. If anything, it should bring them closer to you (in a therapy sense), like Sarika was writing about.

I don't know if you want to let your mom read it, it'd probably be good for her, just so she knows what her kid is going through. But it would probably be hard on her, since she's going to learn what her kid is going through.

Your friends, well, if they're true friends, they'll understand, we all have our crazy sides, some more then others. It might take some of them a while, but give them time.

So should we be expecting to see your name in bookstores soon?

[Doesnt_matter]

Thank you for your support.
I really hope that my therapist and my psychiatrist will get to know me a bit better by being able to read my texts.
But I am still sooo nervous and on the one hand I really fear and on the other hand I cannot wait to see them again and get feedback from them.

I used to write much and sometimes it really helped me but then, I got sooo afraid to write and I haven´t written for two years but last week, I wrote again .
Writing can be so difficult and terrifying because all of your emotions that you normally hide can come up.

I liked to write but I haven´t had the courage and motivation to try to make more of it and I hided my stories but now I want to share them and who knows perhaps I will dare to try to publish them one day?!

I am still unsure about my mum but it could be a chance for our mother- daughter- relationship, too.

[akita]

When i had counseleling i would always write down the things i couldnt speak and after she'd read it we would talk about it it and it does help alot hey.

[Doesnt_matter]

I just want you to know that two hours ago I gave it to my mum, too and I guess that she will read it on Sunday.
I start to worry if I should regret that I gave it to her, too.
I hope that she will believe what she will read and that she won´t be angry of me.

[starshine]

OH MY WORD! i am soo happy you posted this, i never made a book but in the past year i have gave my therapist many things to read and each and every time i was nervous about what she would think! so far,other then one thing, she has shocked me with how understanding she is! I even have a proplem with therapy, there are time when i just don't want to talk about the crap and i hate going and it makes me mad. (don't know why i get mad but i do) So twice i've went handed her a letter and walked out. and the next session we'd talk about! It was shocking how easy it made it to work though the really tough stuff!

In short i admire your strength to share all that with somany people! Congats!

[Doesnt_matter]

Thank you for all your encouraging answers!
Well, today I saw my therapist and she read my texts and she said that I have said many of the things I wrote about before but not so detailed and so poetic, so the texts helped her to understand my thoughts more.
She said that we can talk about the texts whenever I will like but this time, I had some other things to speak about.

Yesterday, I saw my psychiatrist who haven´t had the time (yet?) to read all my texts but he said that he liked my writing style and that I should make more of it.

My mum wasn´t shocked and I guess that it´ll helpsus to talk not just in hints but more direct in the future.
She said that she likes my writing style a lot and I cannot remember when she said such a direct compliment for the last time.

I am surprised and happy about the good feedback and I do not regret giving them my texts.

Thanks,
Judith

[musik-addikt]

i often write to my support people as i can never seem to say what i really going on with me, unless i write it. it is always good to be able to communicate in anyway