Over the past four months or so, I have been carefully cultivating a fairly close friendship. I'm aware that this isn't a big deal, but to me it is; I've never been...gifted...socially, and my long-term struggle with SI and depression has done serious damage to what few social skills I did have. So the fact that I managed to make a lasting connection with someone else, to me, constitutes positive news.
I had been free of SI since late last October, but about a month ago I had a setback, and I have relapsed; I've been feeling pretty down lately, partly because of my disappointment in myself. Well, ten days or so ago I was talking to this new friend online via chat, and he asked me if everything was all right. In fact I was urging pretty badly (using chat to keep my hands busy, to be honest). I had had a few drinks, and...I told him about my SI. Prior to this, the only person I have ever willingly set out to tell is my current SO. I did not intend to spill the secret to anyone who didn't absolutely have to know.
At the time I was talking to him, he didn't react badly, but he has not spoken to me again since then, online or in person. I am pretty sure I've driven him off, or at least freaked him out. I wouldn't even be bringing this up on the forums at all, but it's hit me a
lot harder than I know it logically should.
I'm despondent, and bitterly disappointed in myself: this one slip has probably cost me a friendship that took me months to earn. I would like very much to salvage things with this friend if I can. So I suppose my primary purpose in dragging this onto the forums is to ask for advice on damage control. Is there actually a way to salvage this at all? I thought about bringing it up again, and offering him the opportunity to ask me about it, but I don't know if that will help to put it into perspective or not, and it's the only thing I can think of that's even slightly plausible. I'm out of ideas. I just need to let some light in on this and get my head around it so that I can go back to what passes for normal thought. Thanks for listening.
