Triggering (SI) - I want to. Right now. If You're there, help me.

[SilverFlame]

I'm so sorry, but this is a cry for help.

Right now, I want to cut myself up so badly. There is no trigger, no reason, I just feel like I need to. I know I'll speak to a counsellor in the morning, but that's hours away. Right now, I just want to hurt myself really badly. I want to see the proof of what I'm feeling.
I'm typing this because it's stopping my hands from doing this, and after this I'll have a cigarette. After that, I might come back and type some more, because I don't want to leave myself to my own devices.

Why am I never like this with a Dr? If they saw me now, they'd know immediately how badly I needed help. But when I see them, I'm always cool and calm and distant. If only they saw this.
I'm sorry.
Like I say I'm just distracting myself, and trying to help myself in the process. I just wish they were here to see how f***ed up I am when it really comes down to it.

I may be back soon, for more typing. If so, I may return to the venting thread. I just... I don't know. Wanted to know I'm not completely insane for what I'm feeling.

I guess what I'm really saying is:
Please, someone, help me. Tell me I'll be okay.

[SilverFlame]

I've smoked, showered, ate, read and waited... I still want to hurt myself. There's at least 4 hours before I can tell anyone official. Is there anyone still awake?
I just need someone to tell me it's going to be okay, that I don't need to hurt myself to feel okay. I'm so lonely and scared.
Anyone?

[lilrenthefox]

Relax babe, try getting in RYL's chatroom. Good for you distracting yourself though. Means ur a tough cookie :P

[Wakeful Dreamer.]

Oh, hey sweetie. I hope you're okay. I agree with above: try getting into the chat room.
Good luck, and try to stay safe. xxx

[stella]

hey silverflame...i agree with lilrenthefox, well done on distracting. that's all you can really do when you have those urges. they do pass, but it's so hard resisting...are you feeling any better?

xo