Hmm... Well, yesterday, I went to the mall with my friend Rani. I was stupid the past few days and slipped up 3 times. Since Friday! Well, my friend Rani is really into helping me recover, so every time I she scolds me, and hits my arms over the cuts--so she can show how much it hurts her when I cut.
Well, this time, with all the sore cuts, some that where only four hours old--Rani hit me. She said it was punishment for what I was doing to myself. She hit so hard--I started crying. Of course some of the pain was from sore cuts, but she was hitting right over them, and hard too. I started crying and she hugged me, and said that she would stop doing this to me when I would stop hurting myself. I couldn't reply. I was so upset.
I'm scared though. I don't know how to stop. I wanna stop.. I just don't know how.. I'm scared of being around Rani know because it hurt.. I'm afraid of being hit. It scares me that I'm afraid of Rani, when she is my best friend.. The one that helps..
ermm, could you talk to her about why you do it instead of telling her you've done it
and it sounds like by her hitting you, it makes you feel worse about it. so try and talk to her about how her reaction makes you feel, then maybe she might stop, or be able to understand a bit more
I agree. talk to her about how the hitting probably isn't the greatest way to help you and come up with another strategy like writing a journal or drawing on your arm. Hitting isn't going to help anything, just adding more pain on top of all the other pain you're going through.
Hope this helps
I know... She understands.. She just isn't keen to it... I am scared to talk to her, becuase I just slipped up AGAIN and I know she will get really mad..
Hmm, i i'm sorry but i dont really think it is right that she is hiting you to try to make you stop, it is very good that you have a nice friend and someone who wants to support you. But if it is causing you more pain and making you feel guilty and bad for what you are doing to her then it doesnt seem right and isnt going to help.
People who dont quite understand what SI is about but who are hurt by it and want to help may not always be doing it in the right way. A couple of times after i have cut my boyfriend has threatened to do the same, i suppose to show me how i am hurting him and how it is wrong, but of course that freaked me out and made me feel worse and is not good help.
If she is hiting your cuts really hard so it hurts and causes you alot of pain then that isnt really fair on you, and you shoudnt have to be scared of her, or scared of telling her things.
I'm glad you want to stop, but you need to stop because you want to, not because a friend wants you to and you are scared of being hurt.
Can you try and have a word with her and tell her about how it makes you feel and that you are scared?? tell her you are very grateful for the support and her friendship, but that you dont want her to hit you anymore, why not try to come up with a way she can support you or help you together? or talk about how you can let her know if you have SI, which doesnt have to just be through telling her as i know that is difficult, but maybe a signal or through a message or something?
My sister used to do that to my cuts,
I understand why your friend feels like hitting you will communicate how much your SI hurts her, and I think she has good intentions,
But it is not right. No one, not even your best friend, has the right to hurt you, for any reason.
You don't have to 'put up' with abuse just because she is your best friend.
When my sister would do that, it hurt. It hurt not just the cuts, but it really hurt me emotionally.
Hurting someone doesn't help, and you need to muster up the courage to tell her that,
Because maybe she doesn't understand.
She's doing it with the intention to help, so you should give her some suggestions of how to help you more effectively.
Instead of hitting you, she could tell you in words how she feels about your SI,
it'd be more effective than hurting you, and if she really wants to help you in your recovery, I'm sure she'd be willing to do that.
If you get anything from my post, I want it to be this, so I'll say it again. Absolutely no one has the right to hurt you in any way.
I can see how she think it may help, by showing you how much its hurting her and stuff, but there is NOOOO need for violence with ANYONE especially friends.
I think you need to tell her that its not helping, and maybe give her some ideas of something to say that WOULD help.
Do you get any professional help? maybe she could be a support in going with you to see someone to try and figure out how to stop?
hope your ok
xoxo
"They say time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons, but it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
I don't think that hitting you is an effective way. It sounds like it would be... anti-productive to your recovery. At least, my friends used to do things like that with me. And it really made it worse.
Perhaps that you could explain to her just how much it hurts, and that you know how much it hurts you all.
You never deserve to get hit darling. No one ever deserves to get hit, alright? -hugs- You're going to be alright honey. You're going to be just fine, okay? I'm here if you need anything.
