Triggering (SI) - I'm urging. Worried about slipping up...

[phfatbeatrice]

Okay... Yesterday morning I slipped up horribly. But I'm urging again.. I am nearly crying for a blade. I don't WANT to do it but I feel the horrible need. Is it supposed to feel like this? I dunno how much longer I can hold out. As least til I get home I hope.. But I just wanna hurt myself so bad. I've been clawing myself since this morning, and it has yet to help.

I'm at a friend's house and she's being mean, saying that I am annoying her, though I'm not even in the seam room. And then when I go in there with her, she tells me to go away.... I don't know what to think at this moment. I just wanna run away, and hurt myself, and feel better, if only for a few minutes.

Then today is also Valentine's Day. I have been single for months (Not bringing up that incident. Caused quite a bit of scars on my arms..) and so Valentine's day is just making me think... about what has happened.

I dunno what has come over me. Another break down session maybe? I dunno... But I know, that as far as now, when I get home, my arms are going to be sliced.

Not pleasurable, Brianna

[NicolaRose]

Sorry you are feeling bad and had a slip up, it is ok though it happens so try not to let it get to you or make you feel like a failure. Is this why you are thinking of self harming again?? I know it's hard and a slip up can lead to a few days of feeling bad after and wanting to do it more.

Are you still at your friends now?? If you are unhappy there and feel stressed can you tell her you want to leave and just go home or something? Please try not to run away and hurt yourself, but try to get out and even go for a walk if it is too much.

Sorry you are feeling lonely right now, I'm sure you will find someone to be with one day and have lots of different experinces, try not to dwell on the bad things that have happened too much.

*hug*