Triggering (SI) - Want to give up. *replies needed*

[-Pandora-]

I seriously don't see the point in me carrying on trying anymore. My friend has made me promise him that I won't kill myself but I'm not sure that I can keep that promise anymore. My life's purpose (which I never fully knew) seems very faint to me now. I used to be such a happy human being, until all this s*** happened to me. Too many people have hurt me and are still hurting me. I really don't know whether living anymore will do me any good.
I feel so weak, I can hardly type this, so i'm sorry if there are any spelling mistakes. I am such a weak being right now, too much is happening all at once for me to cope with. Sexual and physical abuse from my dad as a young child hasn't helped me at all. Then SH has severely messed me up. And I just feel as though people would be better off in life without me because every where I go I seem to be causing trouble or making people unhappy. And the last thing I want is to hurt the people I love even if they don't love me back.
I would really appreciate some replies, as I am feeling very unstable and lonely at the moment. Thank You.

[in another life]

*sits with and hugs*
I'm sorry that you are feeling so terrible at the moment. It is hard to see the good side of life when things are so hard, but things won't always be like this, things will get better. The answer isn't in ending it all, I'm sure you have good things in your life too (from this post it sounds as though you have a friend that cares for you) and things that make you happy. Maybe you could try and focus on those. I also wonder if you have any support or anyone you can talk to that can help you through this? You don't have to do this alone and I'm sure people want to help you through this.
Take care hun.

[flippinterp]

You seem to be hurting really badly at the moment, and I wish things didn't have to be so hard for you right now. You said there's a lot of bad stuff that's happened lately... it might be helpful for you to talk about some of that more, so you don't have to carry all of it alone. It's fine if you don't want to share it on here- find someone in real life to talk to, or even journal about it. Sometimes just putting it down on paper (or on a screen) can help make sense of a situation, at least for me. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I've read your post and you're not alone.

[-Pandora-]

All the bad things happening aren't giving me much hope that things will get better, and I have no motivation to be happy.
Everything seems pretty pointless these days and I don't have much that can keep me going.
I do have my head of year who I opened up to about everything last thursday and she said that I can go to her whenever I need to talk but she hasn't been in for the last 2 days, so that plan has failed. She sorted out a councellor for me but she cancelled first thing this morning and she said the only other day would be friday but we have the day off college on friday, so that fails too.
My head of year said she would ring home last week to tell my mum that I had been to her but she said she wouldn't tell her about the SH, which I found fine. But she hasn't rang because my mum hasn't said anything to me yet. So I am kind of feeling lonely again, even though I know I have friends I can go to, but I don't want to keep bothering them because some have their own problems to sort out.
I am so confused with what to do and where to go for help that it is wearing me down.
All of this is wearing me down, everyday I am beginning to feel weaker and weaker.
Don't know what to do or where it will go next.
People say things will get better but I'm not sure they will.

[DWTS4]

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. Even if it doesn't seem like it now- I'm sure you have a purpose for living- you have everyone here who cares about you and wants to help- maybe your head of year just got sick or something. Try not to give up on her yet- who knows it might all work out eventually. I know things can be just draining and stuff but you can get through this. Can you find anyone else to open up to? I'm sure your friends would want to help you- they'd want to know if you were feeling this badly. I wish I knew what to say but I'm happy to listen if you want to talk. I know it may not feel like it now- but there are people who love you and care about you. Can you maybe write down what you're feeling, that way you can remember and talk about it when you do get to talk to someone? Maybe even just writing it and getting it out will help a little bit. I wish I could do more but please feel free to PM me if you need anything- I'll listen and try to help where I can. *hugs*

[NicolaRose]

(((hugs)))
Im sorry things are so bad for you right now, try to stay strong and get through it, things will get better eventually.
And please dont hate yourself. You been through alot of hard things in your life, but it is not you that is a bad person or causing problems for people, you sound like a nice person who doesnt deserve this, you deserve to be happy. Take care, and hope you feel a bit better soon